Beating your demons...

8 years ago | adenpenn (Member)

I am so angry* at myself right now that I can't even see straight. And I don't know how to pull myself out of this, I was just wondering if anyone has dealt with this crippling self hate issue and how they got around it.

(*angry at myself for not being able to finish anything, for not working as hard as I could be. for just sucking at writing in general)

and I am sorry for coming in here and dumping this out, but I don't know where else to turn. I need someone who understands what I am going through and won't think I am completely crazy.

Read responses...

Page: 12

Responses

  1. Chris Poirier (Moderator)

    Posted 8 years ago

    I think it's a good sign, to be honest. There are lots of writers who never bother doubting themselves, who never look at their work and say, "this could be better". The key, I suppose, is to find a balance between the two extremes -- to strive to improve while continuing to write with the skill you have now.

    As a fellow melancholic, all I can suggest is you should take that self-hatred with a grain of salt. Use it for what you can get out of it, and let the rest roll off.

    And, if this is specifically about writing, maybe take some time to read something that is better than you can do, and then try to figure out how it does what it does. Even if you only learn one little thing, you are still moving forward.

    Good luck!

    Chris.

  2. acetachyon (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Echoing Chris.

    Also something to consider: where is the bar you're setting for yourself? Is it too high that it's out of reach? Can you lower it to something reachable and then, when you reach that bar, set it a little bit higher? Repeat, each time setting it higher than before?

    As one motivational speaker put it: "Go as far as you can see. When you get there, you'll always be able to see further."

    KAT AND MOUSE, GUNS FOR HIRE When the going gets tough, the tough shoot back
  3. noodles (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Fellow traveler in the self-loathing brigade, here. Can't write two sentences without the little troll in the back of my head waddling out from his cave and screaming "YOU SUCK!". That's why I do a free web-serial, just to get my story out of my head and out there, without having to worry about pleasing the gatekeepers of publishing excellence, who'd probably crap on my stupid little story, and equally ridiculous pretensions of being a writer. Once you start ignoring that inner troll, and just put your story out there anyway, warts and all, it actually gets easier to write and to post.

  4. Miladysa (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Hi, my name is Miladysa and I also know that demon well.

    Good advice from Chris and AceTachyon.

    Noodles comment made me giggle. I think his troll must have a holiday home at the back of my head :)

  5. Dary (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    There aren't many artists who don't have these problems!

    Rather than beating demons you should try to understand them, and learn how to work with them.

  6. adenpenn (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    I love you people. (in a non creepy way of course)

  7. Jim Zoetewey (Moderator)

    Posted 8 years ago

    This may not be exactly on topic, but the "I suck" reaction can be useful at the right time. It's useful during the editing process once everything's fully written.

    When it's happening while you're doing the actual writing, that really gets a person nowhere.

    I do my best to postpone it, but getting demoralized about what I'm writing definitely happens.

  8. Alexander.Hollins (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Definitely feel that one a lot myself. Generally i get past it by using the self loathing to prove myself wrong, and get some more written. And let me add that your stuff is good. Im hoping for more!

  9. Murazrai (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Maybe you would like to look back at your previous works and think how to improve them.

    Chaos Fighters...the fantasy of the scientific magic.
  10. Ryan A. Span (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Most days I have trouble convincing myself that my writing's not getting worse, let alone improving. When my morale is especially low I can struggle to put fingers to keyboard for weeks at a time. Haven't done anything worth keeping for a while now, so I currently feel like I'm at the bottom of a creative well, getting closely acquainted with rock bottom.

    Regards,
    Ryan

  11. S. D. Youngren (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    May I suggest my favorite writer's-angst book, Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird. Especially the third chapter, "Shitty First Drafts," and the fourth, "Perfectionism." And various other bits. Actually I suggest you read the whole thing.

    And good luck.

    --Shelley

    Rowena's Page: http://sdy.org/rowena/ — "This is my life, Mom. Not a Jane Austen novel."
  12. Stormy (Moderator)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Chocolate. Comfort food. Hugs. Something you can scream at/beat up. A non-writing out where you can just lose yourself (ie, an MMO or some addictive flash games).

    Though I find it happening less and less, I used to get really, really...would hate my writing, would hate myself for hating my writing, would get so close to quitting that I'd scratched out my final post at several points (my caveat to quitting is that I release the entire plan/full list of spoilers for planned stuff so that people feel like they have some closure).

    I compare myself to others all the time, so I find it really easy to feel inadequate, not good enough, like I'll never achieve anything etc, etc.

    I think it's just part of being a writer. *offers cookie*

  13. adenpenn (Member)

    Posted 8 years ago

    Grace: wow all of that up there has described me and my state of being for the last week and a half. I almost scrapped everything twice. I am glad I hung on though. It helped to see in this post I was not alone in all of this.

    You guys rock.

    And yay! Cookie! \(o.o)/

  14. Stormy (Moderator)

    Posted 8 years ago

    :)

    All you have to hang on to is the train of thought that tells you that you aren't better off without your writing. That no matter how much it sucks/hurts/needs to be thrown across the room/punched in some sort of anthropomorphic face, it's still part of you, and you will miss it if you do throw in the towel.

    A couple of years before I started my serial, I did quit writing. Eight months, and I didn't write a damn thing that wasn't for college. The words just...stopped. The day-to-day pain/hate/angst disappeared after a while, but since I wasn't writing, it kept hitting me, it felt like part of me was missing, that I wasn't...right if I wasn't writing.

    Just hold on, you'll be fine.

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