Review Exchange: Nature's Kingdom.

2 months ago | Moonfeather (Member)

Looking for someone to exchange with or do a review of Nature's Kingdom.
It's fairly early in the story and not too much has happened yet, but a first impression would be cool. It's around 7 chapters.

Let me know what you think.

Blurb:
Worlds are changing. With the rapid increase of mutants, metahumans, and superpowered beings, hints of events with cataclysmic proportions can be seen on the horizon.

Phenomena that has not been witnessed since the Age of Gods.

Mercy Gaunt, a somewhat popular teenage girl, finds her life turned upside down as she is dropped into the world of ‘Capes’ and mythical beings. A world of war, conspiracy, and political intrigue. Full of battles that have lasted millennia with deep grudges that had taken root in the past.

As she remembers her childhood dream for utopia, Mercy must decide if she has what it takes to protect the people she loves.

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Here's the listing: http://webfictionguide.com/listings/natures-kingdom/

Here's the start of the novel: https://spiritmonserial.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/prologue-i/

Read responses...

Responses

  1. thelonewanderer (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    @Moonfeather

    I think we're in the same place. Both of us have just started a new serial, though I've got about two fewer chapters and my listing is still in the submission queue.

    Here is the link to my own story. Let me know if you're ok to do a review swap (the first impression as you put it) with this and we can go ahead.

  2. thelonewanderer (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Oops. Forgot to share the link. Here it is.

    http://karavanir.com/

  3. Moonfeather (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Sure, I'm down. I'll read through it and give my thoughts.

  4. nippoten (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    I'll take a crack at it, too. But I do have a few other reviews that are way overdue by this point...

    With that said, I'll put yours in my things-to-do list! :)

  5. Moonfeather (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Thanks Nippoten. I'll try to have reviews up by the end of next week.

  6. ScreamingCandle (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Hey. Site newbie here, but I'll take a crack at it. My story is also in the submissions queue and the amount of zeros I'm getting out of the visitor numbers is, quite frankly, giving me the blues and I'm wondering if I'm missing the point somehow. An overview would help and I'll be happy to do a review for you.

    And to be friendly, if I think it sucks, I'll shoot you a PM :)

    Have a good one.

    SC

    "It is not important what you do, but it is critically important that you do it." - Terrence McKenna
    The Strange Updating Wednesdays
  7. Moonfeather (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    My reviews are going to be a little late guys I'm busy catching up in school and with work.

  8. ScreamingCandle (Member)

    Posted 1 month ago

    No worries. I am not even listed yet and The Strange weighs in at around 40000 words so far.

    And I'm wondering if you want a critique (deep dig into writing with an eye from one writer to another about technique) or a review (I'm a reader giving thoughts about what's presented).

    As a review, I'd say it's pretty good but a little hard to get started. And it's a bit short at this point to know much about where we're going. Clearly I'd have more in a real review, but that's it in a nutshell. It reads very anime to me. Teen agers placed in the middle of a battle between foes who keep coming up with moves that trumped each other and an overlay of personal entanglements. This is not a bad thing, just the vibe I'm receiving.

    As a critique, those prologues kill the story before it gets going. I'm not familiar with the shared universe you are working within, but just reading from prologue 1 through, the reader is drinking from a firehose with very little context before we even get going. It's hard to keep knowledge so presented. If it was critically important to the story, you will have to repeat it in story or else whatever links to it will look arbitrary. I am NOT a fan of prologues as ... well, they do this to me. They either are irrelevant or an infodump in story form. From my perspective, the information or even the entire scene of a prologue should be inside of the story. Tricks for this is the old reliable flashback which could be a bit of a trope, an in story story from another person, etc. Avoiding "As you know, Bob..." is pretty important as well.

    The overriding thing as a critique is that with each prologue you are giving the reader an excuse to put your book down. Following the adventures of the characters gives the reader an excuse to turn the page. And yeah, I know that's all dead tree speak, but I'm old so get off my lawn! Once you get to chapter 1, things pull along fine.

    Once I figure out how to post a proper review, I'll do that as well. I'm a little backed up as well and my wife is on the mend from some pretty bad hospital level stuff, making me Dad-in-chief. :)

    SC

    "It is not important what you do, but it is critically important that you do it." - Terrence McKenna
    The Strange Updating Wednesdays

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