Review Request: Denham's Dentifrice

3 weeks ago | Phineas Clockword (Member)

Greetings friends,
Phineas Clockword would like to extend a waving hand to state his presence and sincerely declare that he is also me.
Unlike me though, he's a man who has been around and seen things. Be it his scholarly nature, always trying to pass on questionable knowledge to mankind or just his elevated ego seeking immortality, he writes stories down.

A disjointed chronicle if you like, containing only what he thinks to be the most extraordinary experiences.

There is stuff about this and that and even the other thing with the mithral pogo-stick (was that?), written in arguably lethargic rates over the past, only recently gaining some extra momentum.

So, he reckons it is the proper time to ask for your opinion potentially-interested-in-that-kind-of-thing-people.

He would appreciate any feedback.
He could also admit that taking about himself in the third person is first stage paranoia, but he won't.

He preemptively thanks you.

https://denhams-dentifrice.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_18.html
http://webfictionguide.com/listings/denhams-dentifrice/

Read responses...

Responses

  1. revfitz (Member)

    Posted 3 weeks ago

    Monsieur Clockword,

    I am up for the challenge if you don't mind waiting a few weeks! Once I am done with my challenge I am likely going to take a break, but I would love to review your stuff. Did you want a particular short reviewed or the site as a whole?

    Existential Terror and Breakfast--A serial with cereal.
    Updates Wednesdays at: revfitz.com
  2. Phineas Clockword (Member)

    Posted 3 weeks ago

    Thanks for volunteering rev. Of course I would love a review by you and don't worry about time. The updates come slowly anyway.
    I would prefer a review of the site as a whole since it's a collection of stories which are not really related with each other and most of them are quite short. (although some things reoccur, at least in my mind)

    I'm looking forward for any advice or piece of mind which can help me improve my writing. Cheers!

  3. revfitz (Member)

    Posted 1 day ago

    Monsieur Clockword,

    Just put up my review! I am sorry it took this long, but I hope you find it helpful. It is not on the front page yet. I also plugged the review on reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/6j4fqs/check_in_offtopic_discussion_and_selfpromotion/djbwx1u/ (along with some shameless promoting of my own) so hopefully that helps in getting some extra eyes on your work.

    Existential Terror and Breakfast--A serial with cereal.
    Updates Wednesdays at: revfitz.com
  4. Phineas Clockword (Member)

    Posted 2 hours ago

    Thanks a lot Fitz for the great review. It was enjoyable and illuminating. I'm aware of my tumbing along the verges of purple prose. It's something I'm trying to control, because when I'm there I'm always tempted to hit it with the colourful verbose stick next to my rubber duck. I just like words a lot, but I understand I could be more succinct and understandable.

    The constant haziness while writing and proofreading doesn't help either, but I'll try to do my best to improve on that matter and thanks for pointing it out.
    The humour I know is not for everyone but I'm glad I'm not laughing alone in my head.

    As for the updates, well unfortunately I've got other things on my plate. It's not that there's no time. But sometimes you've got to eat things on your plate that you don't like and it's hard to write with dysentery. I know this is not an excuse but you know how it is. I'll do try to improve on that matter too.

    And for the record, congratulations, you are the first person to read and form a comprehensive opinion about my work. When the stars align and I'm famous I will not forget you Fitz!
    Cheers!

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