Review Request: Nowhere Island University

6 years ago | t4nky (Member)

So, I've made a web serial (it'll actually update sometime tomorrow) called Nowhere Island University. It's about a recent high school graduate named Nathan Jacobs who is sent to the titular university to spy on it by a government agency called UNIX. I should have a link to it in my forum sig, but I will leave a link to the home page and table of contents at the bottom.

Just a quick note: I am three chapters in, and I haven't mentioned any kind of mutant/parahuman/whatever until chapter three, so in videogame terms super heroes are a feature that will be implemented at a later date. Also, while I do want a general review, there are a few specific areas I want people to look at:

1. The first chapter... I have doubts about the first chapter. Yes, I think it grabs interest, and I don't have a lot of weird names, but I'm worried I generate mystery and suspense in a really cheap way. If you read it and don't see what I mean, then I'll stop worrying.

2. I actually am proud of how chapter two turns out. HOWEVER, I have the sneaking suspicion that my character made some huge leaps of logic. I just want to check to make sure that they still land on the cliffs of reason and not fall into the piranha-infested river of asspull.

3. This is more site-related, but I was wondering if I could find someone who can do banners. I like the way my site is currently set up (the color scheme is exactly how I picture the university's would be) but I kind of worry that its bare-bones feel may scare off readers.

4. I am not sure how to formally submit this to Web Fiction guide. For all I know, I may have done just that. Also, if I haven't already done that, should I? Or should I wait until I've written more stuff? I tend to be more motivated when I show my work to other people, so if this can get even one person to look at it and comment regularly, I'll consider this a win.

So, that's the major areas *I* think need to be looked at. If you find any more, just list them as 5, 6, etc. And without further ado, here's the links. Just copy and paste them.

Main Page:
Table of Contents:

"An uneducated man may rob a rail car. An educated man can steal the railway."

Read responses...


  1. Kess (Member)

    Posted 6 years ago

    Hi! Just wanted to pop in and welcome you.

    Haven't had a chance to read thoroughly (I'm actually at work while I write this), but I did have a quick look at the site. A banner image would help to add something that might grab a reader; the bare-bones won't scare readers off, but something to snag their attention might be good. Is it immediately obvious that this is a web serial? Genre/tone/feel? I like the university colours approach, and I'm a fan of clean websites, but maybe a little flavour wouldn't hurt? University crest, maybe?

    Something else to keep an eye on is the ping/trackbacks that currently show up. Your ToC page is going to get swamped with them as you build the story up. Internal links are noise, particularly if you want to get conversations going in the comments, so I'd suggest removing/blocking them.

    To submit to WFG, check (and fill out) the page here: Minimum requirement is 3 chapters/posts, which you have, so you're good to go. :)

    Looks like a fun story! Good luck with it. :)

  2. t4nky (Member)

    Posted 6 years ago

    Thank you for the feedback, Kess. I take it the ping/trackback links are the things that wordpress seems to automatically post almost every time I post them. So deleting them will be my first site management job, then making a basic logo, then making a cast page. Also, are you an American or Australian? I ask that because a) I kind of like to know my audience, and b) the only two countries that are generating hits for me are American (number one because that's where all the people I know IRL are from) and Australia.

    "An uneducated man may rob a rail car. An educated man can steal the railway."
  3. Kess (Member)

    Posted 6 years ago

    You're welcome! Hope it helps. :)

    You can disable trackbacks/pingbacks in the settings of each page/post, so you don't have to delete each one. However, I think that'll block external ones as well. Up to you if you want them or not. :) Personally, I tend to use my webstats to discover incoming links that are generating traffic.

    I'm in Australia, so that was probably me showing up in your webstats. So hi, from the bottom of the world. :)

  4. t4nky (Member)

    Posted 6 years ago

    Cool! Thanks for the help, and I hope you check back in from time to time.

    "An uneducated man may rob a rail car. An educated man can steal the railway."


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