Review Request: The Greensdale Project

3 years ago | bombtasticnovels (Member)

Hey guys. Looking for constructive criticisms (Starting my first web-serial just a test run want to see how it goes) any advice. This is just my first bit so far (Like the first chapter). I want some honest feedback (I mean how am I going to get better) so I can do better next time! Thanks! Here is the link

If you look at that page its write there!

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  1. BGHilton (Member)

    Posted 3 years ago

    It's an interesting start. I'm guessing you mean informal feedback, rather than posting a review?

    * It's an intriguing setup, but I'd put a little more emphasis on character and plot in chapter 1, rather than focus on the premise and backstory.

    * I do like the length. Opinions may vary, but I think 1000-2000 words per chapter works best for books you read online, with a sweet spot in the 1200-1500 word zone.

    * The sudden shift of point of view is a little awkward. I shift POV a lot in my stories (and I mean a LOT) but I think it's preferable to make the shift between chapters rather than within them -- particularly if you have short chapters.

    * When writing first person, (and I've done this myself) there can be a tendency to begin a lot of sentences with 'I'. It seems like a very small thing, but if you mix it up a little it can look a lot better.

    I hope that's helpful. I'd be interested in see where you go from here!


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