Review Request: The Revelation

2 months ago | Carcharocles (Member)

Wondering if anyone would be willing to take a peak at my webnovel, The Revelation. Both advice and a review in general are fine, because I'm sorely lacking on both. If possible I'd prefer there to some balance between the two.

I'm willing to do a review in exchange for this, although it won't be until later in the week (having issues with my medication, which makes me a bit uneasy about the quality of anything I put out at the moment). Please note though that while I've offered advice in the past, I have little experience reviewing things.

Edit: A bit of a warning--The Revelation is a horror story/modern fantasy hybrid meant for mature audiences. The opening chapter has some graphic imagery, but it's nothing compared to what will come later.

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Page: 12

Responses

  1. TanaNari (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Sure, sounds like fun.

    I poked around at the website and I'd advise you make navigation a bit easier. A table of contents you can access to directly from the main page would be a great start.

    So on to the traditional question: which story do you want to review. I've got almost 6 books at this point- three primaries and three sequels, all set in the same universe but otherwise unrelated to one another. Like Discworld.

    The first is rather Arthurian in nature- heavy focus on love, revenge, justice and varying degrees of suffering. Currently doing its sequel- which is a royal pain... I will never write another story where the main character has anything resembling social anxiety or depression... it's draining just to imagine how they think...

    The second is more Tristan and Isolde inspired- love, (misplaced) loyalty and family are the big themes here. Mostly having to do with how they conflict with one another.

    The third is... well, more inspired by oldschool camp scifi adventures than any literary achievement. With what I loved about such shows as Sliders, Quantum Leap and 6 Million Dollar Man, back when I was a kid.

    And all of them share themes of loss and the sacrifices one must make for power.

    Author of Price.
  2. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Added a direct link to the Table of Contents to the main menu, but I'm not sure why you think my site is hard to navigate. Could you clarify?

    I think I'll do the third, given my lack of experience. It sounds like it'd be easier to handle, and I have to admit the old-school Sci-Fi feel appeals to me the most out of those.

  3. Scott Scherr (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Hello. Your story sounds like something I'm familiar with. I'm up for a review swap if you're interested. The link to my story is in my signature. Just a warning. Mine is very graphic at times and it's very long and ongoing. If you want to check it out and decide if it's something you can read, just let me know.

    Author of the apocalyptic series, Don't Feed The Dark. http://freezombienovel.wordpress.com
  4. Scott Scherr (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    ...Also, I'm not expecting a review of the whole darn thing. Again, It's long. You can read as much as you want or enough to satisfy what you need for a review ;)

    Author of the apocalyptic series, Don't Feed The Dark. http://freezombienovel.wordpress.com
  5. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Sure, Scott, I'll do yours right after I read Tana's.

  6. TanaNari (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    ... Everyone picks this one. Are 80s style episodic stories really this popular? Whelp, have fun.

    https://pricestory.wordpress.com/2016/07/30/blue-steel-series/

    As to your website- it takes a bit to figure out that there's a hidden menu on the left hand side, given that most formats have an always-visible menu that's usually drop down. Once found, it's simple enough, but that is a bit annoying.

    Author of Price.
  7. Archive (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    I took a quick glance at your website's homepage out of curiosity and a couple things stood out. Everything's black and white, there's ZERO differentiation between links/buttons and normal text. There's also no hover indicator on your nav menu links. Now, it's easy to figure out that they're meant to be links, but they're lacking the normal indicators (different color, button styling, underline, etc). Even a simple hover style would improve it.

    I couldn't get the hidden menu TanaNari mentioned to open, perhaps that's a mobile thing? I'm using desktop Chrome.

    Again, it's not really a big deal -- if I was already trying to read your story, nothing I mentioned would stop me.

  8. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Archive:

    I'm in the process of redesigning my site, due to the old theme being confusing. That's why everything seems to be off and inconsistent with Tana's comments--they're not relevant anymore. I'm about to install another theme right now--the current one is far too simplistic for my tastes.

  9. Scott Scherr (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    @ Carcharocles, Sounds good to me. I'm currently reading another work as well, but after that review I'll start reading yours ;)

    Author of the apocalyptic series, Don't Feed The Dark. http://freezombienovel.wordpress.com
  10. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    @TanaNari, I've posted a review of Blue Steel. I only read 8 chapters so far, but if you don't mind me spoiling much of the review, well, you just earned a follower.

    http://webfictionguide.com/listings/price/review-by-carcharocles/

  11. TanaNari (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Well, I come in through the main page anyway, so I saw it before you. Incidentally, will have your review up sometime today. And one bit of quick writing advice- it'd be a cleaner read if you double-spaced your paragraphs.

    Also: trippiest dream sequence I've read in a while. Kudos.

    Author of Price.
  12. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Thanks Tana! And I hope the review is to your satisfaction, since it's really the first I've done.

    As for your advice--I thought about doing it while reading Blue Steel, so I do agree with it. So I've now double spaced all the paragraphs, and took the time to edit some errors that I'd missed before while doing so--including one VERY frustrating one in one chapter in particular (I can't believe I goofed like that.)

  13. Carcharocles (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Thanks TanaNari!

    Yeah, I didn't see the pacing issues, but that's a holdover from the first draft that I will probably end up addressing before I continue on to the next chapter.

    As for the hybrids, there's an explanation of why they're there and why that community takes them as normal, but I was having a lot of trouble fitting it into the prose without info-dumping. As for WHY they are there, it has to do with the origins of the story, which started out as something completely different (and more humorous.)

    Still, thanks for your review! It's highlighted problems I both knew and didn't, and at least convinced me I'm not a complete hack (just an amateur, which I already knew).

    As for the paleontology bit and the bit on marine biology, it's a bit of a Chekov's skill that will show up in just a few chapters.

  14. TanaNari (Member)

    Posted 2 months ago

    Yeah, that's one of the big mistakes new writers make. Cramming too many contradictory ideas into the same story. The trick I used to get around it (works for me, at least) is to know what the climactic chapter looks like before writing the first chapter. God did that save me a lot of messes.

    It also helps to remember advice I got from way back when... "If it's not important enough to explain in the story, it's not important enough to exist in the story". Which is helpful in a number of ways. But the more explaining needs be done, the more you have to wonder if a given thing is even worth including- and that's a good thing.

    Of course, then you got the opposite problem to worry about- following a formula with no originality to be found... but that's another subject entirely...

    Author of Price.

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