Review Request: Vigilantes Make Us Safe

4 years ago | AM_Thorn (Member)

Alright, I'm looking to do some review swaps now that I'm listed here on WFG. I'd love some feedback on my stories and would be glad to provide feedback in turn. I used to be a semi-professional critic so hopefully I can provide some good insight.

My serial's set in a world where the new US President Richard Hughes has passed a law legalizing vigilantism across the United States to allow communities to regulate themselves and keep themselves safe.

I'm writing a variety of different series set within this world. Currently I have five. Hitbox, Rebel Rebel, Serenity, Toxic and Dynamo. The first arcs of Hitbox/Rebel Rebel/Serenity are done. Dynamo is getting close to done and Toxic is about a third of the way. If you go to the link below which leads to my table of contents you can select each title and read a synopsis of each. I don't want to put all five here and make this topic way too unwieldy but I'll provide the briefest of run downs.

In short Hitbox is about the billionaire heir to a New York electronics empire who has developed extreme social anxiety after losing his family.

Rebel Rebel is about a teenage Iraqi immigrant who no longer feels safe in his neighborhood in Chicago since the passing of the vigilante Act.

Serenity is about a recent college graduate in Napa Valley back at her family's winery looking for some sort of purpose in life. She finds it when she discovers secrets about her family's history.

Dynamo is about a Detroit civil rights attorney challenging the vigilante Act in court as unconstitutional while in her personal life being fascinated by it.

Toxic is about a San Francisco security guard at a chemical testing facility who develops strange abilities after being exposed to chemicals while defending the facilities against a break in. It's a spin off of Serenity as the main character DeMarcus first appears there but requires no prior knowledge.

If you're interested in swapping I'm open to you reviewing any one of these titles, a couple of them, or just sampling each of them. (Obviously if you want to keep reading that would be awesome, lol. No pressure.) My goal with these titles is to have them all read well on their own. None of them requires any knowledge of the others. I also try to have them build upon each other in some ways though so that if you read all of them you'll get the most out of it. Reading Dynamo won't tell you much about the character of Hitbox but it will help to further fill in his world and provide additional context for parts of what he's going through. There are also a few Easter Eggs sprinkled between them. (If you're interested my stand alone Introduction to the Vigilantes Make Us Safe Act isn't a terrible place to start. It's fairly short but provides a little back story not found elsewhere)

VMUS is definitely a superhero story but uses that backdrop to explore the real issues effecting our society. Few of my characters have any sort of powers (a few certainly do but powers are rare in this world, something that can't be relied upon). They're mostly every day people trying to protect their families or searching for something that's missing within themselves.

Let me know if you're interested. I'm open to reading most any sort of title. My taste in fiction is fairly broad.

Read responses...

Page: 12


  1. Admiralmonkeyman (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Your serial looks very promising and I'm interested in doing a review swap with you. Although I do have a slight hang up on my end. My serial hasn't been accepted into web fiction guide yet.
    I would solve this by letting you review me on royal road, and then you can copy the review to WFG once I've been confirmed.

    My website:

    My RR:

    But, of course, I would understand if you'd rather not go through all the effort. - Ash covers the land as snow. The embers of a forgotten time have died out. All that’s left is us and the dark.
  2. Megajoule (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    I am interested! Your story sounds intriguing. I am finishing up some reviews for other stuff but I should be able to get to yours in the next two weeks.

    My serial is Inheritors, in my signature! / a clone of the greatest superhero in the world, with only a fraction of the power
  3. Loud Thomas (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    I've already started reading one of your stories, Hitbox, and would love to do a review for it. You don't have to swap with me but if you do here here is the link to my story.

  4. AM_Thorn (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    I appreciate all three of your interest. I'll address you one at a time:

    AdmiralMonkeyman: I appreciate the interest and that's not a problem with me. I have a Royal Road account as I recently started posting a few of my earlier stories there to see if I could gain an additional audience. (Solid results so far) I can certainly post my review there when it's ready and post it here as well when the time comes. (I know how long it can take to get listed, I made a mistake in my original submission and had to wait through the process twice, lol) I've only read your "About" page so far but this looks promising. I'd love to read it.

    Megajoule: I'm actually already a fan of Inheritors so I'd love to do a trade. I'm behind though as I got busy and I'm only about halfway through arc two so this gives me a great reason to catch up. No hurry, I can't promise when I'll have these up but I'll try to make it at least within the next few weeks.

    Loud Thomas: I'm glad you're reading Hitbox. Zach's a character that means a lot to me and I hope you'll enjoy where his story's going. Your story looks interesting and I'll check it out. The other two posted first so I'll likely review their serials first but I'm definitely in to check yours out as well.

  5. Loud Thomas (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Cool with me.

  6. Admiralmonkeyman (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Great, I'll get to reading yours right away - Ash covers the land as snow. The embers of a forgotten time have died out. All that’s left is us and the dark.
  7. Rhodeworks (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    I'm happy to take a look. Ideally, I'd be able to read all of them, but I might just get a feel for each of the five. We'll see!

  8. AM_Thorn (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    That would be awesome Rhodeworks.

    AdmiralMonkeyman, I posted my review today. I really enjoyed your story. I had a few critiques but you're hitting on what I feel are the most important aspects of any story, concept, characters and world.

    Started reading forward on Inheritors and I'm through part 23. Keep in mind though that I was already through 20 before though so this might take a little bit of time. Probably can be caught up and have the review posted in the next week though as long as nothing big comes up.

  9. Admiralmonkeyman (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Thank you for the insightful review Thorn! I've also finished my review and posted it on both your WFG and RR. - Ash covers the land as snow. The embers of a forgotten time have died out. All that’s left is us and the dark.
  10. AM_Thorn (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Appreciate it. I was curious, do you have any examples of the grammatical errors/missing words you mentioned? I reread my first three parts of Serenity and the worst I found was a questionable comma or two. I edit for a living and have put these through at least 3 rounds of editing. I also ran them through grammerly and didn't come up with anything. I'm sure there's a few in there somewhere but I was a little surprised to read multiple in each part. Any examples would be helpful as I'd love to take care of any issues. If you don't remember any or have time to provide examples though that's cool, appreciate the review.

  11. Admiralmonkeyman (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    There were a few, although I'm not sure if they're grammatical errors or if it possibly just came out a bit awkward to read.
    In the first paragraph of the first chapter of serenity, you have. "Blocking a powerful high kick with her forearm, Jia Crawford’s knocked backward." I think you may have meant that her forearm was pushed backward, but it was confusing on the first read.
    But I think it's not a very huge deal. - Ash covers the land as snow. The embers of a forgotten time have died out. All that’s left is us and the dark.
  12. Rhodeworks (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Yeah, that one stuck out to me, too. It's obviously supposed to be 'is knocked backward', but there's a momentary hitch where your brain processes a name with an apostrophe like that as ownership.

  13. AM_Thorn (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Rhodeworks has it, its is knocked back. I pretty much contract everything which isn't necessarily wrong... but I could watch out for readability on that for sure. Part of what I edit professionally is social media lol. Which means I've trained myself and those I edit towards brevity. Which can be a strength but certainly isn't always. Appreciate the feedback.

  14. AM_Thorn (Member)

    Posted 4 years ago

    Just an update to the two other reviews promised, NANOWRIMO has kicked my butt this month but my novel's done and I'm back to working hard on them. Should have the first (Inheritors) up relatively soon.

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