Review Request: Winoc the Traveler

1 month ago | JohnCalliganWrites (Member)

Hello, I thought I had posted a review request here, but I guess I hadn't.

I've been writing Winoc the Traveler for a little over a month. The six issues together are about 9k words.

I'd love to get a review on here. Hope you folks like it: http://www.winocthetraveler.com

- John

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Responses

  1. JohnCalliganWrites (Member)

    Posted 1 month ago

    Ohh, I get it. I have a submission that is awaiting the editors attention. I probably need that before I ask for reviews.

    Anyway, you're still welcome to read it :D

  2. Lonesome Traveler (Member)

    Posted 1 month ago

    Howdy, John. I'm a new poster here myself, so I can't exactly welcome you to the community with any sense of authority, but welcome all the same. I've yet to finish sorting my own writing out enough to post, but I thought I could go ahead and start contributing now via reading and feedback for others. Spotted your title and it seemed right up my alley.

    As you pointed out, you're still stuck in the queue for now. But I'm reading along, and I'll be more than happy to offer a full review when your site is listed.

    Until then, I can still offer some initial feedback. I can tell you now, the review will be favorable. I'm enjoying the story, and you've set a wonderful tone and a brisk pace. Your action is excellent and your love for martial arts and apparent study of swordplay is very evident. You've got me curious where the story will go, but I'll elaborate more on the good stuff in a proper review.

    As with any good review, though, it'd be pointless if I didn't offer some critique as well. My first note would be that the dialogue/terminology clashes on occasion with the setting in the sense that it feels too modern. It's a nitpick, but things like the use of the word "hotel" instead of inn, or use of the term "guy" instead of "fellow" or "man" or some other slightly more dated term for a dude.

    "He was a large fellow" versus "He was a big guy" for instance.

    Lastly, and SPOILER for anyone concerned, I was initially confused by why Winoc up and left without hesitation. How did he know with enough certainty that the northman would return for the girl to prompt him to volunteer to leave with her? And why didn't he think they could defend her in town against one crazy mountain man? A bit of expanded explanation from Emile at the end of chapter two could clear that up nicely. Just a few extra sentences or so to let her paint Erland as dangerous enough and devoted enough to make leaving the only safe choice.

    Minor snags, both. I look forward to reading more!

  3. JohnCalliganWrites (Member)

    Posted 1 month ago

    That's a great observation. I'll add another scene to the end of part 2 to fill it out.

    Thanks for noticing the modern dialog. I'm doing it on purpose, but didn't know how it was coming across. Jarring isn't what I was going for ;)

  4. JohnCalliganWrites (Member)

    Posted 2 weeks ago

    I know I'm not on the official list yet, but I'm always happy to get feedback here. I just put up part 11 yesterday and will be finishing the first arc in a few weeks.

    Thanks

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