Soliciting feedback: A single story...

10 years ago | Reyben (Member)

Okay, so I've been thinking about this for a while and I've finally made a decision. Basically I've written this novella and been plugging it about for awhile, requesting general feedback from friends, etc... I've been going back and forth about submitting it to the Guide, but I've decided that since I'm eventually going to list the site its hosted on as a whole, it would be inappropriate of me to also put up every little sub-story I write. I also sometimes worry about the WFG editors' blood pressure.

But since I'm also looking for comments on this one piece in particular, and since I've noticed a lot of people requesting feedback on these forums lately, I thought I'd post a plaintive link to the story here. If anyone has a free few minutes to pop over and take a look, I'd really appreciate it.

The story is about dinosaurs, clones and the concept of Benjamin Franklin. It's called "Living History."

Link:

http://www.red-jay.co.uk/index.php?p=1_16_Prose

It's quite long, so if you only want to skim the first page and tell me what you think, that's fine too. This is just one of those stories that seemed to work really well in my head, and I want to know what other people think of it.

Thanks, guys!

Read responses...

Responses

  1. NiSp (Member)

    Posted 10 years ago

    hi reyben

    this story was fun :) it could do with a last swipe of the editor's cloth though. minor spelling mistakes and typos appeared often enough to be noted.

    the cover is too dominated by black imo. perhaps this could be alleviated by increasing both resolution and size of the text - both title and author - and kill two proverbial birds...

    i am not too sure of your colour choice for the background to the story. i probably would have been put off if i'd been a casual reader. have you considered making the background lighter?

    the story itself was thoroughly enjoyable and (to me) believable. the story kept moving forward at a good pace and characters were clear in my head. would the 'russian' maybe not have a developed syntax in her speech though?

    i would recommend this story to anyone looking for a short, light read. it's a good balance between humour and sci-fi with an historical twist.

    hope this helps :)

  2. Reyben (Member)

    Posted 10 years ago

    Thanks, NiSp! I'm really glad you enjoyed.

    I agreed about the cover, but before I could do anything about it, a guy named Moejoe offered to design me a new one. Seems like ebook covers are kind of his hobby. So I got this, which I'm rather fond of- what do you think?

    http://www.red-jay.co.uk/web_images/benfrank_dinosaurs3.png

    Damn it, I thought I got all of those typos. I think they must be living creatures; parasites that prey on text and breed when you're not looking. I've been through the text again, I think I've got most of them. And I made the background a couple of shades brighter.

    Say, did any particular spelling errors stick in your head? MS Spellchecker says I'm fine, but I don't trust it anymore. Don't mean to use you as my editor; just wondered if there was anything particularly, unshakably glaring. Like selling 'Forgotten' with a pound sign or something. I'll be going through it one more time, just to check.

    Oh, and the Russian chick has syntax cause she was educated in the US. And because she sounded really dopey when I wrote her the other way...

    EDIT: And yes! Recommend away!

  3. NiSp (Member)

    Posted 10 years ago

    i like the new cover too. your name should maybe be in a plainer font though. two 'fancy' fonts usually clash...

    typos are scary creatures. i did a quick scan over the text again and nothing's biting so hopefully you've managed to catch them all.

    the background still seems a little dark - too much grey maybe? may just be my screen too. you must know how damned individualistic they can be :P

    natalia was the only character i couldn't 'hear'. i couldn't put that heavy russian accent on top of the correct syntax. perhaps make her accent softer? it probably doesn't matter much overall - it doesn't detract from the story. and your explanations are believable and form a more colourful character.

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