The Vorrgistadt Saga - Review Request & Swap


  1. Rhodeworks (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago

    Your serial is the next one I'm intending to give a good solid read (as in, starting over the next few days). You can consider that a 'yay' if you wish. But, as always, I don't consider the reviews I do as swaps.

  2. Megajoule (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    Thank you so much for your review :) Every bit of critique helps me grow, so thank you. I've gotten remarks on pacing being pretty intense, so I'm striving to slow it down in the next arc (while, of course, hopefully not sacrificing the good stuff)

    As for the unhelpful votes, it's strange, but people are weird. I gave you a helpful vote (because I did find the review helpful!) so hopefully that takes the edge off.

    I'll be getting to yours after I do @Docmars (which unfortunately has to wait until I'm finished with Comicpalooza tomorrow) but I'm hoping to have his done early this week and then yours by beginning of next week. / a clone of the greatest superhero in the world, with only a fraction of the power
  3. Hejin57 (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    Thank you very much, I'm excited to hear your thoughts on the story.

    Right now, maybe just focus on reading the first arc at least (7 Parts) and continue from there if you legitimately like it. I say that because I've written 36 parts now separated into four arcs (with a planned eight before CD One is complete, so I'll be done by the summer hopefully), I read fast and even I know that's an incredibly large amount of writing. The entire site is completely updated and caught up now with everything relevant.

    You can ignore Wattpad now, honestly I like this new Wordpress format a lot more. Just comment on there and it makes it a ton easier for you. Plus I realized I could edit my submission link so now at least I don't have to worry about being declined, haha.

    I would have caught up with your story nonetheless but I do really enjoy it and I'll be following it from now on. I've very curious to see what you think, and it'll be nice to have proof of readers to christen the new site.

    Thanks again.

  4. Megajoule (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    I've completed my review of Tomorrow Girl, so you're up next! / a clone of the greatest superhero in the world, with only a fraction of the power
  5. SovereignofAshes (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    Thank you for giving the story a read and posting up your review. I understand that fantasy stories aren't your thing. Lots to think about.


    Thank you, as well, for giving the story a read. I'm interested to see what your viewpoint on it is and what I need to work on.

    Hope you had a good time at Comicpalooza.


    Thank you for the kind words, for your review, and for going through all of my story.

    I'm starting to go through your new Wordpress site right now. I was away from the computer for a few days. I'm hoping to devote the remainder of this week and next week to your story. I'll definitely focus on the first arc the most, but I would like to go as far as I can into your serial and get caught up to where you are now.

    As before, I'll leave comments on your Wordpress site, and post up a preliminary review here on this thread. If/when your submission process is completed, then I'll post it up formally. I can also leave some comments here for some notes as I read through. As an example, I found a small handful of easily fixable spelling/grammar errors thus far in your first chapter. I'd rather post them here so you can fix them when you have time. I don't want to post them as comments, because that can drag down readership and it's stuff that can be fixed quickly enough.

    @Scott Scherr,

    I'm going to be devoting about two weeks to going through Hejin57's story. I should be able to sink in to DFtD around mid-June. Then, I'm hoping to devote at least two weeks to going through Book One. If you want me to speed up my schedule, I will, just let me know.


    I take it that interest in this particular set of review swaps (on this thread) has died off, so I'm going to start taking my time a bit more. If anyone is still interested, post here, and I'll speed up or rework my schedule. I'm hoping to get all remaining reviews done by the end of June at the very latest.

    I have stuff on here too! The Vorrgistadt Saga.
  6. Rhodeworks (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago

    It's probably the similarity of the names, but when I was reading VS I kept thinking about The Banner Saga. It's another fantasy story I actually really enjoy and I'm looking forward to the third game even if I feel the second was... less good from a storytelling perspective. Anyway, I kept thinking about how TBS1 opens with a bunch of horned humanoids collecting taxes and there's this whole thing with their future King and an alliance he dies and it all just kind of... there.

    But immediately after that, the perspective switches to the other half of the continent you meet Rook and Alette -- I can remember the names of these two, and not the previous characters -- and the story really takes off because the story of a father and daughter dealing with Suddenly, Monsters is easier to 'get'.

    Pillars of Eternity was also one I thought of, but I mentioned that, and that's more because PoE had a very simple hook (you're stuck in a forest when your caravan breaks down) but then throws you into the deep end with proper nouns and exposition and things it doesn't really provide adequate explanation of (which is probably why the sequel and Tyranny feature words you can highlight to get the context of).

  7. Scott Scherr (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    No rush. Take as long as you need. I've already read the first ten chapters of your story. I'm really enjoying it ;)

    Author of the apocalyptic series, Don't Feed The Dark.
  8. Hejin57 (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    No problem, it's my pleasure.

    Looking forward to your thoughts!

  9. shou kouyou (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago

    I'll be happy to do a review swap. Just did some major edits so my store is in dire need for feedback. my book can be found in rrl titled book of origin: birth of mana.

    Currently working on Birth of Mana
  10. SovereignofAshes (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago

    This one will be in reverse order this time.


    I'll add you to the list. If you are in a hurry to get the review, please let me know here and I'll do what I can to get to you ASAP. Otherwise, I should be able to post your review by the end of June.

    Since you're hosted on RRL as well, I'll post a review here at WFG and on your story there. I see you have twenty-four chapters so far, so I should be able to get your story reviewed up in a week (max two weeks) once I'm able to get started.

    The updated list as of now:

    1 - 'Tomorrow Girl in Bismarck' by Docmars (Review up - willing to amend/change/overhaul review if author wants)
    2 - 'Inheritors' by Megajoule (Review up -willing to amend/change/overhaul review if author wants)
    3 - 'Music Masters: CD One' by Hejin57 (Under review currently)
    4 - 'Don't Feed the Dark' by Scott Scherr
    5 - 'Not All Heroes' by Rhodeworks
    6 - 'Birth of Mana' by eternalparadox


    I'm really digging your story so far. It's definitely a ray of light (pardon the Madonna pun) in the dark right now. I looked ahead a bit and can't wait to get to the Sad Tomorrow section.

    My apologies that I'm slowed down a bit right now.

    @Scott Scherr,

    Thank you for your patience and for reading the first ten chapters of my story. I saw your comment and it means a lot. I never thought I'd get comments on my blog site for this project, so I need to get into the habit of responding in the comments, lol.


    I remember seeing The Banner Saga on Steam a while ago. It looked interesting, and kind of like the Don Bluth games from the 80's and 90's... Dragon's Lair and Space Ace, I think they were. It was tempting to try them out, but I worried the game was linear like a lot of the Telltale Games line-ups or Dragon's Lair. The artwork looked amazing and I heard good things. I'm just a stickler for sandbox-ish RPGs (TES: Arena, Morrowind, Oblivion, Skyrim, The Witcher, Baldur's Gate, Planescape: Torment, Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights, VtM: Redemption, VtM: Bloodlines, etc.). If you recommend it then I should definitely check them out.

    Ooo, Pillars of Eternity, hadn't seen it before. See now that it's done by Paradox Interactive and old-school Obsidian Entertainment, both good studios. Might have to check that out sometime soon as well.

    When I first saw you mentioning Pillars of Eternity in your review, I thought you were mentioning Pillars of Creation by Terry Goodkind and I caught my breath, lol. Love him or hate him, Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series has influenced some of the style of where I'm going (at least after my heavy revisions). When I ran my first roughs by a coworker of mine, he pointed out how the story sounded a lot like Goodkind's work. He was a big reader of Goodkind. He gave me a copy of Pillars of Creation and of Phantom to see what it looked like.

    Ulitmiately, though, I was trying to go back to the Swords & Sorcery classics like Robert E. Howard, Fritz Lieber, and Michael Moorcock. Then throw in some of my personal inspirations from weird supernatural horror; H.P. Lovecraft, Robert Bloch, Bram Stoker, Arthur Machen, Edgar Allan Poe, with some sensibilities from Stephen King's Dark Tower series (that won't pop up in the story until a bit later). Then toss in some of the silver-age fantasy that I liked growing up like Ed Greenwood, Terry Prachett, Margaret Weiss, Kim Newman, and good ol' GRRM. Then add in some science-fantasy like Herbert's Dune series. There was a lot of subverting the old pulp Conan tropes and trying to change them up a bit. Robert E. Howard was great at minimal exposition storytelling and keeping straight to the point with action/drama. Whereas my personal format is more H.P. Lovecraft with heavy details of creatures, events, settings, and a more introverted tone with characters (but I'm trying to stretch myself out of that voice which I use more for horror work).

    By the over-use of proper nouns do you mean more the titles of things or grammatical error of capitalizing things too much in the manuscript? I need to go back through and start de-capitalizing a lot of things. I got into the bad habit of capitalizing so I could search back through the story and know where I mentioned key groups, characters, McGuffins, or parts of the plot.

    I actually did have a lexicon and gazetteer included with my first renditions of the story on my blog site and on RRL. A lot of readers really enjoyed it; well they said they did, at least. I was working on integrating coding in to the current blogspot site to allow readers to hold the mouse over key dot-underlined words in the story and a little window would pop up with a definition. It was a headache to try and integrate with the blogspot way of coding and the Google revision bots fought me on the first prototypes of it. Maybe I might integrate such a thing if I ever can afford to host my own site for tVS so I can code it all properly.

    I pulled all of the lexicons, gazetteers, bestiary, companion pieces, character profiles, and the rest when I started the latest revision of the work. I didn't want to clutter things up. I wanted to just focus on getting the first book up and ready to go. To try and force myself to not use the crutch of gigantic world-building but force the details in (as unobstructively as I could) into the actual narrative, properly. I'm still working on that. I have had some messages asking for the lexicon and other details back. A lot of people liked working through some of the maps and collecting bits of lore from the lexicon and excerpts from in-world books like Vhaltenesh's 'Book of Awakenings' and the 'Bloody Grimoire of Vorthulus.' I might re-integrate that once I'm more stable with my releases and have at least the first book done.


    Thank you for your comment on the tVS site. I like how you summed it up with a single elegant word, lol. Thank you also for the kind words and the... Business Penguin of Business-ness.

    I have stuff on here too! The Vorrgistadt Saga.
  11. Hejin57 (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    No problem! Take your time, better that you read and understand than rush and miss.

    Your thoughts so far on but a single chapter have been enlightening to say the least, so I certainly look forward to more.

  12. shou kouyou (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    Don't worry I'm not in a rush here =) Don't let this mess up your own schedule. I'll get your review up soon too once I'm done with your book.
    On a side note, I have a 1-2 day release schedule so don't be surprised to see more chapters then ;)

    Currently working on Birth of Mana
  13. Megajoule (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago

    Apologies for the delay @SovereignofAshes I'm reading Vorrgistadt right now! I am hoping to have my review by end of week. Once again, sorry it's taken me so long to get to you! / a clone of the greatest superhero in the world, with only a fraction of the power
  14. SovereignofAshes (Member)

    Posted 6 months ago


    I'm really digging Music Masters. I should have your review ready to go for this weekend.

    @shou kouyou,

    Thank you so much for your review. You brought up a lot of good points in your review and I've added them to my revision/editing notes. I saw that you also posted on RRL and checked that out as well. Thank you, again.

    Your review is underway.


    No worries about any delays at all. Everyone is getting pretty busy this Summer. I got your DM.

    I'm sorry that my reviews are delayed. The activity is hitting me as well.

    I have stuff on here too! The Vorrgistadt Saga.
  15. Hejin57 (Member)

    Posted 5 months ago


    Heads up, if you're going to review, unfortunately I'm still not up on WFG.

    Instead, you can leave a review and rating here when you're able to. Turns out RoyalRoad is a pretty nice mirror and got me quite a bit more exposure.

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