The 2009 Bulwer-Lytton awards have been released. I don't know about you, but I look forward to these every year.
For the uninitiated, Bulwer-Lytton was the man who gave birth to the phrase "it was a dark and stormy night." In his memory, a contest is held every year to come up with the worst opening sentence of a novel.
Some of my favorites:
"In a flurry of flame and fur, fangs and wicker, thus ended the world's first and only hot air baboon ride."
"She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't."
"I entered the bedroom again, looking for anything the killer might have missed in his obvious attempt to clean the crime scene, when it hit me, the victim hadn't been eating just any potato salad, it was German potato salad, the kind usually served warm, with bacon and although most people prefer the traditional American potato salad, it was clear that this victim didn't, oh no, he didn't prefer it at all."