Advice Wanted

So, I'm a tactically minded person. If I'm going to do something I want to do it right.

I'm undertaking a web serial and at this point a host of things are still up in the air. I can still easily change my site, story direction, writing style and narrative perspective, though I've got a defacto for all of them in place. I deeply value the experience you all have, and would like a second opinion.

There you can find my first chapter, info on the basic setting (which is the non-negotiable), and other basic necessities in the site design (hopefully you can find them, or else I have a problem with site design. Not that I designed the site, it's a wordpress theme). The serial is set to launch on january 1st, which gives me enough time to do about five or six backlog chapters, and although that's not the recommended number by any means, you underestimate my free time. Anyway, my request for advice is on a few things. Also feedback would be infinitely appreciated.

First, site? Second, this one is my main hurdle, how does everyone feel about 1st and 3rd person perspectives? I know everyone has their preferences, some write almost or entirely exclusively in one or the other. What are the pros and cons of them both, what do you feel one brings to the table that the other does not? Basically, my problem is that I've been writing first person all my life and although I can easily slide into third, I just can't decide if a setting this big is complimented by a first person perspective. I don't want to get stuck writing the story I love from the wrong point of view. Now, I know who the first person perspective would be and I'm quite confident their character can carry the story, but I'm just conflicted. How does everybody feel about this issue?

I think my main thing is that the MC is going to be in the story no matter what, and I almost feel like giving him a 1st person voice only serves to deprive other characters of screen time. But at the same time the MC is the MC, even if I'll spend a lot of time in the 3rd person no matter what. Is it counterproductive to throw in a 1st person when the story revolves so heavily around others? As evidenced by the fact the MC isn't even in the prologue, really. Caught between trying to be efficient and what I'm comfortable with...

Finally, you guys are some really cool writers and as such I'd be pleased as punch to know what you think about the execution so far. Also, sorry if this seemed jumbled, this topic was a sudden decision. I'm trying to make up my mind before moving ahead with the writing. Don't worry about my pace though, I'm good to go.

Thanks for your time.

Honestly I don't think I'm qualified but I'll give it a go. I'll be back around 7

It's good all the same, thanks to anybody and everybody that'll assist. I'm also just curious how everyone feels about 3rd & 1st, so even if you didn't want to give the site a look, please feel free to talk on that.

Some thoughts:

Use whichever POV you're more comfortable with. However, if you're going to have multiple MCs, then I'd recommend against giving all of them a first person POV. Some readers don't mind, but some might find it confusing.

I like the site design. It's simple but very readable, and the falling snowflakes are eye-catching and a nice touch. When you add more chapters, make sure your readers can easily navigate back and forth between them - 'previous' and 'next' links are very popular, and for good reason!

I'm the wrong person to judge anyone's English writing, but I noted that the first paragraph is rather purple prosey. With the way your site is set up, the prologue's first paragraph will be the very first thing anyone sees, and some readers shy away from purple prose. It's mostly a 'first time writer' thing, I did the same (and got criticized for it) when I was just starting out. I later went back and eliminated all the purple prosey bits from my early chapters.

Some examples:

'a grimace graced his face' vs 'he grimaced'

'people were adorned in formal wear' vs 'people were dressed in formal wear'


I don't care for multiple first person perspectives, so that's definitely not happening. Also, that's not super purple (in my subjective opinion), but I see your point. I could change that first bit, now that you mention it, but my writing style is wordy in general, something that may change with time but I don't think I could just will it away - I'm fond of it too. Thanks for the look.

EDIT: (All around people were adorned in formal wear, suits and conservative dresses.) I chose that word because I didn't want a double 'dress' in that sentence, also it's used later on in the chapter and I hate repeated words. I chose 'graced' because for me it made sense, later on it's stated that Porter is quite handsome. I'd like to think my writing is pretty and practical as opposed to purple. I've thought about this before and made the decision to write the way I do. I'm not concerned about this.

I was fond of it, too... but people stopped reading, and I wanted them to keep reading, so I changed it. My site viewing stats increased exponentially after I got rid of the purple prose.

Your writing isn't THAT purple prosey overall, but there's a lot of it in the very first paragraph. And that one needs to get readers hooked.

Also, the snow is a holiday wordpress setting, which I like but will disappear on the 1st.

I'm just gonna drop this here.

It is awesome. Use it, learn it, love it. But don't let it rule your decision making, there are times when the rules should be broken.

As for the rest... I do First Person, but I also have chapters which show other characters from that perspective as well. I always put their name at the top, just because that's how I do.

I'd suggest against switching characters mid chapter, however. If necessary, make two small chapters instead. I experimented with mid-chapter PoV switches for a while, and it never quite worked out. Certainly not as well as just devoting a single chapter to a single character.

I think you can change viewpoints, but I personally like first person more. It helps eliminate purple prose, and really allows me to get into the head of my mc. And tananari's website is pretty nice.

No, my website is pretty shit all considered because I don't know jack about website design.

The one I offered in the link, however, does what it's supposed to do quite well.

That's what I meant, sorry.

Hi, Shaeor. I checked out the site. Visually, I found the chapter easy to read. The font choice might be a bit ho-hum for the titles, but looks fine. Overall, the chapter left me wondering what will happen next, how the characters came to be in their predicaments in the first place, and how does one kill a god-minor? I will definitely follow. :) There were a couple of spots where I thought the grammar was a bit iffy, particularly comma use, but that can be somewhat subjective depending on your region. Let me know if you want a specific example.

Due to the vastness of your world, storytelling might be easier in 3rd person. If you already write regularly in 1st for other projects, though, you might find it feels more natural for you. I think it's a personal choice and that well-executed 1st person narratives can be really exciting.

Lastly, on the subject of word choice, I've also got a bit of a peeve about repeated words. I'd rather see a more "purple-y" type word used correctly than the same one over... and over... and look, there it is again. I find it distracting. However, my own work is probably purple enough for some monarch to put on and dance around in, so you might want to take my opinion with a grain of salt. :)

I hope you have lots of fun with your project! I'll be reading along.

PS: Are all of our universes in your Omniverse, too!?

Thanks Chiba! And yes they are! Technically I like to know about something before I say it's realistic enough to exist, but everybody here gets the benefit of the doubt. Normally when you see the idea of an all encompassing canon it includes everything, from My Little Pony to Die Hard, but I really feel that in reality both are fiction, so in keeping with realism you have to say only certain ideas could manifest as physical dimensions. Example: go on Die Hard, no on My Little Pony. But of course I would never take from someone else's setting without permission, so although they are in, they won't be shown or mentioned.

The expanded Omniverse though, despite what you could easily assume, is actually 90% not mine (as it should be with an Omniverse). I have a group of friends I'm collaborating with who have a very large (200+) group of RP characters which are confirmed as part of the Omniverse, so they can jump into the story at the earliest convenience. They are out there, we are out there, everything that can be, must. So yeah.

I'm fine with the comas, not really concerned. I've also decided on a first person perspective, which was my default, so I feel happier with the choice I'd already made.

Thanks again Chiba, I look forward to writing and having you as a reader.

Grammarly is fantastic at finding extra commas and removing them. It even does the scary "Blah blah Blah," he said comma identification - which I didn't even know was a thing.

As far as 1st person, or 3rd, I ultimately try to avoid people 'Do whatever keeps you writing" - because if you don't write more, you're moving a huge learning method on improving. If 3rd person narrative is harder to deal with (for you), then do 1st, if only to ensure the writing style itself doesn't cause you to self-loath or hit a wall later on. I've run into plenty of people (Mostly on Royal Road, the Anime kiddy version of Web Fiction Guide) - where authors hit a wall after 10k words of general story plot due to not liking a choice they made back in chapter 2.

In my mind, everything should come back around to 'what keeps you moving forward', period. Done.| ~fin, or whatever.

Good luck.

First, the site is clean and simple, but it gets the job done and, without the snow, I like it just fine. With the snow, it's actually really excellent, so if you can find a plugin that replicates that effect, I highly recommend you do so. It just adds a little je ne sais quoi. The writing is a little purple, maybe a lilac, but it didn't really bother me that much. I'd also do a once over looking for grammar and just general flow; some of the punctuation is in odd places, and some sentences are a bit strangely constructed. If you don't already, try reading it out loud to yourself, as sometimes that helps identify the oddities. I feel like the third person is the right choice for the story and characters, but like FrustratedEgo said, do whatever you need to do to keep writing, whether it one, the other or both.

Good luck, and have fun!

I wouldn't know how to go about doing that, with the snow. I really should learn how to add plugins.

Do you self host? I think you can only add plugins if you do... :(

I was just looking around, apparently I do not.

Is it pay, for .org wordpress?

I think .org is self hosted, and .com is everyone else? But I'm totally not sure.