I can't honestly thank Marn, given the (untrue) nature of the second half of review, but I'll respond to it.
The suggestion to swap chapters 1 and 2? Yeah, I chewed that over, myself, back when I wrote the first three chapters. I'm still chewing it over.
Even asked my readers early on (I started with roughly 50 readers from a prior project I did) what they thought. The unofficial and unscientific poll seems to show my readers generally preferring the current order, but it might go your way in the final edit.
I'll probably waffle with it right up until taking this thing to traditional editors to see about publishing.
Now, the thing I have to take a stance against. You claiming the story treats "minorities" in any way poorly. Opinions and weak parts of the story are one thing, but THIS I find legitimately offends me.
As a minority, I *know* what "treated poorly" looks like. Price does not do that. Well, beyond the usual "clearly bad people doing obviously bad things to people who clearly don't deserve it" that is an unfortunate fact of life in the real world and a focus of portions of this story.
But that's a different sort of thing from narrative fairness. I mean, most of the main characters are either poor, non-white, gay, or some combination of the three. The (supposedly racist and sexist) main character's love interest was Hispanic... then she was murdered by the main villain(ess).
In fact, I'd argue the story as a whole is running quite the opposite trend. Minorities (well, all types of "the disenfranchised or oppressed"- including poor whites and various ideological groups) are statistically far more likely to gain powers. Kind of a bias favoring second class citizens in the narrative.
Yes, I grant Zach is meant to be immature and crude and not entirely likable and... well, not so much 'sexist' as 'thinking with the wrong head', and you don't have to like him. I don't necessarily want you to.
But he never actually *says* or *does* anything sexist (except once, to someone who's an enemy, to deliberately piss her off). He's treated all not-enemy female characters he's dealt with respectfully (while mentally undressing them 'cause he's a perv like that) and done everything in his power to treat everyone (except his enemies, those people suck) nicely.
I'd like you to edit your review to make that clear. As it stands, you're stating as fact things that never happened the text. Which makes the character look like he's doing something wrong and getting away with it, when he's never actually done anything more than *think* something wrong. Which is both not a crime, and generally impossible to punish someone for.
And when did anyone, let alone Laura, ever mirror his opinions? Maybe it's a failure to convey information correctly, but I'm pretty sure that never happened. Aside one other guy in school offering (poor) advice on women that even Zach clearly disagreed with.
As for implying my story was racist... that one, I'm going to take actual offense on. To quote your review:
No, that's not a "fact", and I would like you to retract that statement.
By failing to include the fact that the most troublesome gang for Zach to deal with is the white one, it implies a racial tone to the story borders on slander. You don't have to like the inclusion of gang politics in the story, but your statement implies that there are ONLY black and Hispanic gangs involved, when in fact there are also white and mixed race gangs.
For that matter, the black (and other) gangs were described as "small and lacking real power" in the story. Only Los Fieles (Hispanic) and Lightbringer (white) are described as big enough to push any weight around in the school.
Now, if you want to accuse me of treating *all* the gang members, regardless of their race or affiliation, as stock characters... yeah, that's fair enough... they're more there as fact-of-life/minor-complication (based mainly on my own experiences) than truly fleshed characters... but please don't imply the white ones don't get exactly the same treatment.
Call them 'stock', sure. That's fair and I'll even consider it accurate, if unkind, since not all characters CAN be given complex dynamics in story without hurting story flow. Don't call them 'black and Hispanic'.