Blurb Critique?

I'm getting ready to release the sequel to my story The Slayer and the Sphinx later this week, and I just now got around to writing the blurb for it. Irresponsible of me, I know, don't worry I already slapped own wrist. Anyway, I was wondering if you guys could take a look at it and tell me what you think?




The biggest problem I have with your blurb is that it doesn't accentuate what's different about your book. Sorry, but the entire Two Armies colliding, and some-one has to stop them is a very old storyline, so that cannot be the focus. Rather focus on the fact that one of the main characters is a sphinx which is different from the norm. People like to read something different and non-cliche and if you highlight that more, then it will attract attention.




More than anything else, it's far, far too long.


Hmm... all right, how's this?




Hey, to clarify , is Sarah a Mythic? It's not obvious in your blurb, but it's implied.


Yes. Mythics are the broad term used for any kind of creature that people don't believe in. The basic premise is that if you've heard a story about it, chances are it's real.


Ah. Maybe you should put that in your blurb. It confused me for a sec.


Well, keep in mind that this is the sequel to another book. I know none of you have read it, but I'm hoping that anyone who reads this blurb will have read it.


Dude, NEVER EVER assume that. A blurb must make you interested in the whole series, as well the individual book. A cryptic blurb aimed only at previous readers will severely weaken your book's popularity.


What if I were to change it to "bridged the gap between the human and the Mythic races."? Would that clear it up?


Still too long :p


For example, you basically same the same thing (that they can bring an end to the conflict) twice.


Yeah it does.


All right, how's this?


"The secret war between the Slayers and Mythics is secret no longer. Porter the Slayer and Sarah the sphinx have, through their unlikely love, become the bridge between the human and Mythic races, and together they hope they can find a way to end the fighting without one side destroying the other. With incriminating evidence against the Master Slayer, Drake Mortoph, there may be a chance that they can disband the Slayers before the two armies reach each other. Mortoph has more secrets than Porter and Sarah realize, though, and he will stop at nothing to keep them from being revealed."


'Have' is repeated twice in 'Porter the Slayer and Sarah the sphinx have, through their unlikely love, have become the bridge '


Dangit, lol. There, fixed it :P