Hey guys! In the next Juryokine book, Toke is in love with his best friend (also bodyguard) but she doesn't return his feelings. Since they practically live together, this causes him to struggle with his feelings and impulses. I tried to write a realistic sounding internal monologue for this, but now I think it might come off as creepy and pervy. What do you think?
What does she think is going on? he wondered as they passed through the door and onto the Seventh Swordfish's deck. She has to know that we're not... doing that!
You love Zashiel, his more cynical side argued. You hide that about as well as a turtle hides its shell. And if she offered, you'd do it. You know you would.
Toke's cheeks flushed a little as distracting, unwelcome images flooded his mind, and he looked sharply away from the beautiful Sorakine girl. He didn't contradict himself, though. It was true. A complete and total fantasy, the likes of which even Boam would call too outlandish to be believed, but true nonetheless.
Once, he had considered simply asking if she would do it. She always talked about how she'd never be able to pay off her debt to him. If he asked the right way, perhaps her sense of duty would entice her to agree. They wouldn't be together, not the way he wanted, but Toke had heard tell of people who engaged in such things simply for their own enjoyment. Could that be a possibility for him and Zashiel? Would he even be happy with something like that?
Toke had rejected the idea. His brain felt dirty for even housing thoughts like that. What kind of person would seriously consider using someone like that? His logical side told him it was natural. He was a healthy young man, with everything that entailed. He should have been more concerned if thoughts like that didn't occasionally enter his mind. Fortunately, that same logical voice told him that suggesting such an idea to Zashiel would be a good way to get all his limbs chopped off.