Put bluntly my first review wasn't what I hoped it would be. Made me sad, but also twinge in atticipation of what others might think. For better or for worse. I can see all the valid points the reviewer explained, I really can. Its not like I was blind to these facts. However there are a few things I would like to say in response.
She(I think it was a she, Im not to sure on that matter) stated how it started off exciting. and then slowed down until she felt there was really no point on continuing. I agree, I am working on rewriting those sections to flow a little better into the theme.
Regarding this comment "There was a death scene that seemed very out of the way and I wondered why I needed to know or why I should even care." Not only does it kill off a minor character that is almost directly involved with Sarah, it becomes a VERY important scene later on. The creatures that are introduced become a large part of the main theme.
I actually just had discussion with someone that read the original draft of the story, and basically said that I need to rewrite the beginning up until a certain, point, hence the tightening the revewer mentioned. -_- Its being worked on do not fear. Hopefully at some point that same reviewer will be able to look back on this and say:
"This is definitly improved, I just can't put this down."
As far as character definition goes...my original thought was something along the lines of, Lets make them a cardboard cutout and define them by thier actions rather than first impressions. Uhm in hindsite I realize I was a bit stupid at that point. That is being addressed as well. ;;
Sorry If this comes off to strong, but I would appreciate others thoughts on this as well. Not like a second opinion, but more like guide me in the right direction. Please.