Request for 2 honest pre-launch reviewers (single chapter)

Dear WFG community,

I'm facing some issues with one of the chapters of my serial that will launch in june, and would like to request help from 2 test reviewers to pinpoint those issues more concisely. I'm asking here because I don't trust my friends to be as harsh as they need to be, and I want to be sure I can deliver the kind of quality that people actually want to follow in the form of a serial. Please don't be afraid of being harsh, my Saturday writer's group regularly picks every single paragraph apart with villaineous glee. I'm used to it. I just can't wait until Saturday with this chapter, it's too important for the whole arc.

The chapter in question introduces the second of my triumvirate of main characters. The protagonist introduced in arc 1 was very popular with the test readers, and I'm concerned that I fail to provide incentive for a similar level of attachment in arc 2. I've already heard one opinion and would like two more before I re-write the whole chapter.

The total length is 3700 or so words.

If one or both of the test reviewers have some knowledge of hip hop culture, that would be a bonus. I'm wondering whether I captured the right kind of atmosphere.

I'd prefer if the reviewers haven't been in the chat with me, as some of the communication (and spoilers) that happened there could potentially influence them.

If you're volunteering, please let me know how I can contact you, seeing as the forum seems to lack a private message option.

Thanks in advance!

You can get in touch with me at my email - Wildbowpig(at)gmail(dot)com

I am totally new at this forum, but I have some experience, so probably I could help.


Thanks guys! Would you like to receive the chapter directly by email (as a word doc attachment), or would you prefer a dropbox link? If I remember correctly, you don't need to download or sign up for dropbox to grab a document off someone's published link.

I still wouldn't mind more volunteers, especially ones with some knowledge of hip hop culture. Don't be shy!

I'll include a handful of specific questions with the chapter.

Wildbow, would you mind if I send you two intro chapters - the one for arc 1 along with the arc 2 one? Your opinion is the one I care about the most, seeing as you're the reason I'm writing this stuff, and I don't want to risk scaring you away from my serial with a flawed chapter that doesn't reflect the spirit of the overall story very well. The arc 1 intro was fairly well received, and is considerably darker. It would also be neat to have a direct comparison of the two. If you can spare the time.

I'll make some small adjustments and send mails tomorrow morning, in 12-15 hours or so.

Yes, by email will be fine.

And I'd like to read the first chapters too.

Email is ok. You can send me both.

And just in case potential volunteers are worried this is terrible, and they'd rather not be the person who breaks it down to me... here's a random sample. Missing italics for the thought part, because I don't know how to insert them.

I'd be happy to help review it, but we've talked in the chat and I'm not what you'd call an expert on hip hop.

Thanks for offering, PG! How about some of the chapters of the upcoming next batch? I'd be honoured if you're still interested in a week or so.

Emails sent!

If you need a third, im in, I'm SOMEWHAT familiar with the hip hop scene... uh... till about 2002. heh.

Also, Wildbow, if you ever do a kickstarter, you know that a reading of and feedback on a pledger's own writing from you should totally be a reward at like the 100 level.

That's more like a punishment than a reward, though. Unless they're masochists, in which case it's both. I'm fairly critical as a reviewer/critiquer - just like I'm fairly critical of myself.

Hey, as long as Wildbow doesn't tell me to stop writing, I can manage.

I actually had to tell someone that their story lacks everything that makes a good story. Everything. Boy, was she crushed. But her next attempt one week later was... so much better. It didn't remotely compare.

Alexander, what's your email? I'm feeling masochistic and I haven't heard from Dennis yet. Bring it! :)

And thanks, wildbow. <3

Done. Maybe I'll add something tomorrow.

Thanks, Dennis. Especially for your offer of helping me out with knowledge about Russia. I might get back to you on that. :)

Both of you inspired me to write a prologue that hints at some stuff right away. Should help with pulling readers into the more unique story aspects before arc 3.

[email protected] I swear, its not really a trap (and you have NO idea how many people think it would be a great fake email address to use to sign up for stuff online.... )

Wildbow, that's the point. That's what most people need. You seem to be your own toughest critic though, heh.

I think I've got that particular chapter covered now, but would you like 3 consecutive ones in a day or so? I'd like to get an impression of how they flow. Still need to edit the second one, though, my Saturday teamspeak group had a love-hate relationship with it (too much background information, going to move that to a bonus chapter). All 3 would be around... 10K words total or so.

Alexander, could you let me know if you got the chapters? Just to make sure they didn't end up in junk mail, which is entirely possible if something contains attachments. Thanks!

Can I send the two of you (Wildbow / Dennis) the edited version of the first chapter? It would be good to know if I've managed to eliminate the various issues. If you have more important things to do, it's totally okay!

I never heard back from Alexander. :(

Would it be okay if I mention the two of you in my credits as some of the fabulous people who helped turn the idea into a reality?

Oh, and Wildbow, would you mind if I steal Worm's donation reward scheme, with bonus chapters dedicated to side characters? I've pondered a few options, but that one would make the most sense. There's just so many side characters, and even with 3 POVs I won't be able to explore most of them.

Yes, of course. And I wonder about the Russian chapters.