Review Request: Gargoyle

http://gargoyleserial.wordpress.com/index-and-update-schedule/


I am hoping to get some reviews of my web serial, it is my take on the superhero genre, taking place in a sort of dark science fantasy setting. I know that by doing so I am essentially following the same path taken by many other writers, but hopefully I am able to put my own signature touch upon it.


Current issues I am trying to improve upon are my lack of scene desciptions, and short updates.


It would be extremely helpful if I could get some critiques and comments. Thank you.


A couple of comments, just on site design (sorry it's not what you're after, but it might be of help anyway).


For the index page, I'd format the links, so that they look like this rather than just being the full URL.


In the chapters themselves - not sure if this is a deliberate choice, but there seems to be inconsistent spacing (some chapters are one wall of text, some have some paragraphs broken out, etc).


Again, for the chapters, I'd suggest considering using the "read more" so that people aren't unintentionally spoiled if they have to scroll past a couple of updates to get to the one they were up to.


Another idea that comes to mind that I got from this website is to have a navigation page on each update that points to the next or previous update. That way, a person doesn't have to go back to the table of contents everytime they want to read the next chapter, they can just click "Next" or whatever.


I will also agree with Stormy that having the full URL is a bit "noisey" and an eyesore.


I have read the first chapter, (sorry, that's all I have time for right now)and so far it is pretty good. I would like to recommend a way to subtely 'alert' readers when there is a scene change or a time skip. I had to go back and re-read the section where he went from being in the store to that meeting place, it confused me.


The only other thing would be to break up your paragraphs a bit more so that they are bite sized chunks as that each contain a theme (if you will). Sometimes paragraphs will run longer by nature, so look for ways to end a paragraph so that it easily leads into the next.


As time permits, I will read more and provide more feedback on your site directly.


Since you are using WordPress, I can offer some suggestions. I wrote a short article about the plugins I used on my site and what they do.







How to Build a Serial Story Website in WordPress


Thanks for the comments. I will try to incorporate them this weekend.