review request: Grigor's Amazing Adventure Part Zero


I wrote this novel to be compeletely over the top in manliness and completely outrageous to boot. So I was wondering if people could tell me what they think of it? Does anyone want to see the actual story emerge or is that a lost cause? should I try to tighten up the writing style to make it more focused, or does it being a bit crazy work?

Thanks loads guys

totally forgot to add the url. It's here:

I like the site design, although if the books completed, i would reverse the order so that chapter one is first, rather than the last chapter.

As for the book... enh. Its very stilted, very tell not show. There's manly, and theres macho anti-intellectual. The writing style just doesn't flow, doesn't do it for me.

for the style that would work for you, i suggest looking up and reading Bill: The intergalactic hero.