Thanks very much to both of you for your feedback, very much appreciated. The swordfighting criticism is well taken, I just made it up and hoped no one would notice (would've got away with it too, if it were for that pesky Rincewind).
I write the chapters on the day of posting with no idea where it's going which is why it took so long to get the story rolling in a clear direction (you might have noticed some odd tangents and pointless rants in there too).
I also write in his voice which is why the grammar is sometimes off. My view is as long as it's intelligible it's fine. His first person pov is the main thing. Not saying that's the best way to do it, but it's very much him telling his version of the story, the way he would speak, including breaking the fourth wall. More of an experiment than anything since I've never written this kind of pov before. Are the sentence fragments too annoying? Obviously I don't want to push it the point where it puts readers off.
Not sure how I feel about the technology thing. I find people are less and less able to do things for themselves, especially younger folks. People used to know a lot of trivia, now they just check google when they need to. They also don't remember phone numbers like they used to because their mobile does it for them etc. That sort of inability to recreate the stuff they use every day is a sort of theme of the story. They know they should do that, they even talk about it, but they just can't.
Obviously there are people who can do those things, but they didn't get transported, the same way no one with Navy Seals training did either. The people with the skills to cope are very much not the people I wanted to write about.
Thanks again for all the very interesting points you both brought up. Will have a ponder.