Review request:

I recently started writing an online novel, mostly because I just can't find enough of the types of things I like to read out there. I'm by no means an accomplished author, I'm doing this because I have stories I want to tell. To that end, I have taken up web fiction. I would sincerly appreciate ANY advice/constoctive critism anyone has to offer. I'd like to become a better story teller and it's hard to get friends to read my stuff. I also no pretty much nothing about website/blog design, so if anyone has any suggestions to make the site more reader-friendly I happily give a kidnjey a two!

Web design suggestion, id make the amazon links imageless, or add something, ANYTHING, in line with them. They break up the page in a very jarring, annoying way. At LEAST center them. Chapter names without numbers makes it easy to get lost once you have a lot of chapters. I'd add numbers to them.

Also, the honeymoon suite, by definition, is a single bedroom. Honeymooners aren't going to have company staying with them.

Thank you very much for the suggestions Alexander. I greatly appreciate the time and effor you took to read the posts and make suggestions. I'd honeswtly never given any thought at all to numbering the post entries. until I can figure out something I just added a number to the end of every title. I ended up just deleting the amazon links altogether. I could't find a way to make them less intrusive. So as much as I love AUD and want to support the author in anyway I can, they had to go. ::grin:: I'll tell Chris you did it! LOL (j/k)

As for the honeymoon suite; you're right of course, but I will not change that. It's set up that way for a reason that may or may not come up latter. The Harbor Inn is based on a real hotel and thats what their "Honeymoon Suite" looked like.

So, thank you again. If you ever need the favor returned, just let me know!

no sweat. I wouldn't remove them entirely, especially if its for a friend you're tossing traffic at. put them in the sidebar.

This isn't really advice or constructive criticism, but you have a really fun, readable story and I am following it excitedly.

To double check, you HAVE submitted the story here as well, so we can give actual review reviews once its approved, yes?

I submitted it , but haven't recieved an email about acceptance or rejection yet. I didn't realize that was a rewuirement...I just found this site yesterday and I got a little overly excite ::grin:: I love this site so far

Wysteria...thank you very much!

We check out every new submission to ensure they meet our requirements, and to give them an initial rating, if warranted (the default rating for new listings is effectively 2.75). With the current queue, it might be a week before we get to yours.


Ahh...I wasn't sure ...thanks Chris.

Yeah, no jumping the gun, asking for reviews for your purposes to look at here on the forums is entirely cool. Once your listing is up, though, reviews within the actual listing will help garner you traffic.

See, and this is why I suggested chapter numbers. When I first looked at it, I thought that there were only the two, i wasn't seeing the ones from january. I'd suggest setting it up to list all the updates on the right hand bar, or make some kind of TOC. Not sure how it works in Blogger, unfortunately, all my experience is wordpress. Also, Chapter 1: title, might be more obvious to people than just a lone number at the tail end, but your preference on that, completely.

It also makes it easier for us to pick up your RSS feed, if you post more than just chapters to your blog. If we can't distinguish between story and non-story posts, we just don't use the RSS feed.


Is there something easy you can do to fix up the paragraphs in the last few chapters? Molly 8 and Garland 7 don't delineate between them, creating a "wall of text" effect that is sort of daunting to read.

The earlier ones use an initial line indent to separate paragraphs, which is better than nothing, but it would be easier to read (just in my opinion, your mileage may vary) if you put whitespace between paragraphs.

The only other thing I noticed as far as the actual chapter posts go is that your font size and typeface varies. Molly 8 is sans serif font, large text, Garland 7 is sans serif font, smaller text, Faded Dreams 6 all the way back to Red Camero 4 is a serif font, even smaller text, Snow and Lightning 3 has the same font formatting as Garland 7, Trouble on the Way 2 uses the serif font/even smaller text, and your first chapter is back to Garland 7. Of all the styles, I think the Garland 7 typeface is the most effective/the easiest to read (because the column is so narrow). Again, though, your mileage may vary...

you're right ubersoft, and thanks for pointing it out. Mostly that was sheer laziness on my part; My computer died and I nwas writing on several diffrent computers, and just never bothered to go back and see if everything matched. About the last two entries...I honestly didn't even notcie! Thank you for pointing it out so that I can change it.

Abnd Alexander...thanks again!

So in going back to edit, and try to change things so that they were a little more reader-friendly...I discovered I could edit individual page elements! I had no idea and never would have noticed...thank you all for pushing me to get a little braver and more creative with the site.

One last thing. You really need a previous next link at the bottom, and top if possible, of each entry.

Also, I'm posting some typo corrections on the blog comments for you, feel free to delete them after the corrections

Thank you Alexander. That actually helped a great deal! One of the reasons I started doing this is that I got sick recently. It's left me with signifigant memory loss and a few other...quirks...that I have some minor trouble with. Everyone here has been very generous and has helped very much. Thank you, everyone who has read and made suggestions. It means a lot to me.

Hey, thats what community is for. (and, if I'm REALLY helpful, people might decide to let me host their stuff. enlightened self interest!)

Host thier stuff? How so? I'm always willing to help out a fellow writer!