Review Request: Juryokine, or The Slayer and the Sphinx?

So, I guess these work, huh?


Anyway, I've got two fantasy web serials that I'd love to see reviewed. They are Juryokine, and The Slayer and the Sphinx. Juryokine is a very light high fantasy story, almost like a superhero story in a fantasy world, I've been told. The Slayer and the Sphinx is an urban fantasy that's equal parts action and adventure, and romance. Both can be found on www.bolanderbooks.com.


"For three months, Gravity Storms have been tearing Yasmik apart and neither the humans nor their winged neighbors, the Sorakines, are safe from them. One hotheaded young Sorakine named Zashiel is convinced that the Storms are being caused deliberately, but she's unable to find evidence to back up her claims. She chooses Toke, a budding inventor studying under the most brilliant mind in Yasmik, to act as her spy- whether he wants to or not. But the task she's set out for him can't be completed by a mere human. Toke must inherit the gravity altering powers of a Sorakine, and become something more than human: a Juryokine."


"What if every magical creature you'd ever heard of was real, driven into hiding by an army of violent zealots? This is reality for Sarah Heisen and Porter Collins. Sarah is a sphinx living a life of luxury in her family's mansion. Hidden from all danger, but shut off from the world, she wants nothing more than to escape. Porter is the Slayer's most promising recruit, and his skill is matched only by his hatred for those he hunts. The two are brought together as enemies, but fate has different plans for them. When an accident erases Porter's memory, he clings to Sarah for support. Now they are lost, injured, and helpless. If they want to survive, they will have to work together- and they may change the world as a result."


Take your pick, I'd love to get reviews on either of them. Thanks! :)


This is not a bump... this is a reminder that Adam is still hoping to get a review on one of his books that is CLEVERLY DISGUISED as a bump.


I've read the first few chapters of each. Of the two the writing of the Juryokine story is much stronger, but perhaps it's a newer story since there's fewer chapters? That would suggest you've improved a fair bit. It's surprising, because based on your descriptions of the stories I expected to like the Sphinx one more.


There's an annoying bug with your site that the next chapter etc. buttons cover some of the text if the chapter is long. I missed a few sentences that way.


The one criticism I have of the Juryokine story itself is that you have just thrown in an inventor school and suggested that there are interesting inventions made by geniuses... and then completely failed to describe any of them in your worldbuilding, at least for the first 5 chapters or so. What's the point of magical juryo-power if it doesn't do anything special? Maybe you cover all that further in, but it seems like a big loss not to have some casually-awesome gadgetry or technology, especially when you're describing the university.


You don't owe me anything, but if you'd like to drop my story a review in return I'd really appreciate it. I've still got a couple of weeks probably until it's listed here, but you could drop me a review on the muses success website here: https://muses-success.info/the-archive-of-unusual-events


No pressure! I'll probably come back and read the rest of Juryokine if I get some free time soon. So keep writing it!


Thank you! I swear, I jumped about a mile out of my seat when I saw this thread at the top, lol. You're probably right, describing some of the other inventions probably would have been good, but I only do it once later in the story ("a cereal bowl with wheels"). You're in luck, though, because the final chapter is going up this Saturday, so you don't have long to wait before the entire thing is up! As for the text covering the words... dangit, I thought I took care of that! Question: are you reading on the main site, or the mobile one? I'll try to take a look at your story today if I have some free time later. Glad you're enjoying it! :)


Cool. :) I was reading on the main site with a Firefox browser. Hope that's helpful.


Hmm. Maybe it looks different on different computers, because I'm not seeing any buttons blocking the text on my end.


Could be. I'm using a PC with the firefox browser as I said. One example is chapter 5: http://www.bolanderbooks.com/#!juryokine5/pn53s


Hey, if anyone interested, I'm still desperate for attention... er, looking for critique. Both these stories have been in the listing for a while, but still have yet to get any reviews posted on here. If anyone wants to help out, I'll be your best friend forever.


So Adam, just to check if I'm going crazy, but you're talking about off-site reviews, right? Because I don't see any review activity - to you or from you - when I check your member profile, but these are both on-going serials.


@TheAdamBo Unfortunately dude, I think this is the wrong audience. Most of the other books on here are adult, sirius! books , most with a gritty grimdark world. And so your YA web serial doesn't get reviewed because not many here read that, I think.


Tarta, I mean reviews here on WFG. Unless I'm completely clueless as to how reviewing on this site works. I give it about an 84% chance that I just have no idea what I'm talking about.


GeneralRincewind, that may be part of it, but I'd like to think that my stuff would still entertain people on here. I mean, just because they're YA doesn't mean they aren't fun for older readers. There's plenty of violence and emotional moments, I just don't go TOO FAR, you know what I mean?


@TheAdamBo I get what you mean, dude, but still. I've not checked out your books because a) the covers b) YA. I'll try to read them today though.


Here, for you, I don't see anything: http://webfictionguide.com/shelves/theadambo/


Compare that to me: http://webfictionguide.com/shelves/tartra/


Is there something wrong with the covers?


Really dude, where do I put a review?

I can't find your books on WFG.


It's not on here? It was on the submissions queue page, but it's been off there for two or three months now. I assumed that meant it was on here for review. So yeah, looks like I was right. I have no idea how things work on here :P


You should probably submit again. Mine's still on the submission page for any new changes I might want to add later, same as everyone's.


So ding, ding, ding! We might have an answer to your no review problem.


Edit: Once your serial is listed on the site, it shows up both on your member profile and its own listing profile. It's on THAT listing profile that people write reviews and leave star ratings, and those are what show up on the WFG front page. Have you reviewed anyone else on the site yet? That'll be good practice, and it might entice some others to check out your work and review you back.


I just figured out what the problem is. I went to the submissions page to resubmit them, and I found a list of my submissions. They were all rejected because, apparently, they won't load without Javascript enabled. I didn't know anything about that before, and I didn't get any sort of notification that they'd been rejected (besides this). Hmm... wonder if there's a way to get around Javascript?


Sorry to say that that's the notification! :P Good luck on the resubmit, though. Chris sounds like he's been making great time through the queue these days.


Is there only one guy doing the queue? Maybe if someone else looked at my submissions, someone whose computer had Javascript enabled, it'd be able to get through. I mean, a lot of you guys have gone on my site without any trouble, so obviously it can't be THAT big of an issue.