Review Request: Lucky Monday

http://webfictionguide.com/listings/lucky-monday/


Looking for some reviews of this story--it's not exactly along the lines of Arcadia Snips (there's an adult content warning because of the curses and violence, and because people who might have enjoyed Arcadia Snips might be younger). It's... ah, very unique in style and voice, or so I think, anyway. Trying to update it every Monday (I recently did a whole rewrite of what I have so far, hence the delayed schedule so far, but I should be back on track now). Anyway, here's a synopsis (also the introduction):




A scientist told me that as you approach the impossibly dense center of a black hole, the axioms of physics stop functioning. Equations choke on the infinite and vomit up nonsense. Space bends. Time warps. Math breaks.




My name is Lucky Monday. And that place is where I live.


This is my black hole."


Hi, have done so - I liked it and will continue to read it. But I do think that you could tone down the swearing - some of it is unnessary (not the messages in the bottle - those are great - I think the character herself over swears)


I appreciate the review! I've gone back and combed out some of the superfluous cursing; when I get tired, I start relying on curses rather than interesting writing (hence the cursing is a product of my laziness). I appreciate you pointing it out.


I've also gone about creating some sort of alternative reading format for people who can't deal with the blue background: http://lucky-monday.blogspot.com/2010/02/1.html - White-grey background, dark-grey/black foreground.