Review Request- Mask of the Snake

Hey guys I'm new here and looking for some constructive critiscism on my site and writing. I blog mainly but every saturday I update my serialised novel 'Mask of the snake'.


That ^ is the address for the part page of it, I wonder if any of you could give me some pointers, critiscism etc, I've only just started this one, 8 parts into it. All the 'next week', 'last week' links should work.

I think the Kosher thing to do here may be to get your story listed first. Then we'll go nuts.

I'm sure Chris will correct me if I'm wrong.

Hi Grant, you can find The Mask of the Snake here:


Hey Alex,

I gave up in irritation about halfway through the seventh, I think. The story's really good, but the grammar and spelling were driving me BATTY! Working on that would help a lot.

Have you thought about chucking it onto a different blog, too?

Ack. Apologies. I didn't look. For that, I will give it a read.


The grammar does need a lot of work, more than anything. Check your spelling as well. I found a few words that, when looked up (these were the big words), did not mean what you probably meant them to mean.

The story is just getting started, but so far I know more about Private Dunn than I do about Mike and Dave, except Mike is a drunk and Dave's Canadian. I feel it's too early into the story to judge whether I'm enjoying it or not (I'm very forgiving. I'll slog though a hundred pages if the story starts to pick up. Hell, I made it through The Diamond Age).

I'd like to see where you are with this story in eight weeks. I'll try to come back to it then, if you like. If I don't, feel free to give me a poke at [email protected] .

I'm not sure if I'd move it from the blog it's on, as Nomesque suggested.

I hope that's what you were looking for. Any questions for us?

Hey guys thanks for the advice, yeah spelling and grammar has always been my weakpoints I always seem to miss stuff, and the spellcheck on 'Open Office' obviously isn't helping me. I always get complaints about it, I'm starting to think I might be borderline dyslexic, but it's probably I'm just stupid and lazy! Any ways thanks for the advice and the compliments I shall try to remedy the spelling and grammar.

Thanks again.

LOL - i doubt you're stupid and lazy! Well, lazy MAYBE i guess, since I don't know you well, but not stupid... :-D

I'm happy to help you out with a couple of chapters, although no promises on when I'll get them to you. I have a big 2-3 weeks ahead, then hopefully a break from work.

Ha, well I just went through all the posts and fixed what I noticed (its shocking some of the stuff I missed, some of the stuff that should have been picked up by spellcheck, grumble grumble) so hopefully they are a better than they were.

I might move it to its own blog, hell I might even focus on it more soon I'm having trouble coming up with entries for the other part of my blog. But I like having it there becuase its linked straight to the other serial I did a while ago.

Thanks for the offer Nomesque, but I usually write them the week if not they day it's posted, I guess thats why it seems a bit slapdash.

What I found helps when you're writing on the fly is to write it all out, then put it down for a couple hours. Go do something else. When you come back, give it a once-over with the red pen. It takes just a little longer to do than posting it straight, but it's going to make the execution of the story better in the long run.