Review Request/Swap: Adventures in the Pirate Continent

hello, everyone, I'm new here but I would like to ask for a review and I've been reading around and the polite thing it seems is an offer of a swap so I'm up for that


here's the link https://www.camelotmagazine.com/fiction/adventures-in-the-pirate-continent-episode-one-a-ship-sinking-on-the-high-seas


or the front page is camelotmagazine.com


Hey Docmars, I would be interested in reviewing for a swap if you would like! My stuff is far from conventional, so if it is not your cup of tea I perfectly understand. My own serial is here: http://revfitz.com/existential-terror-breakfast/


yes! I'm totally up for non-conventional stuff.


Groovy! I'll start reading tomorrow morning! :D


I'd love to trade reviews. http://webfictionguide.com/listings/winoc-the-traveler/


I'll give yours a look now. Thanks!


Also, I lol'd at the turtle on page 2. That's classic.


Review:


I put a nice review up for you on the main website. Thought I'd point out a few things here that are a little more sentence level.



A little later you said, "The sea monster looked like a whale and a shark had had a baby, and the shark had been large."


I know this sounds concrete and easy to picture, but it's actually pretty abstract. Brandon Sanderson talked about this in one of his lectures. He pointed out that the word, "dog," sounds concrete, but everyone who hears the word pictures a different dog.


Same thing here - different whale, different shark.


I really appreciate how direct your writing is, how fast it moves and how you trust the reader. You have room to add things in and slow down some.


@revfitz, I gave you a review. Your first chapter is great.


sure man love to and thanks.


and it seems I was big moron and forgot to add some of buttons to the next chapters fixed that now.


I will happily do a swap. I can read the story over the next few days and provide a full review if you like. I would like to offer the same to Revfitz, although it would take longer given that I'd want to get to Docmars' story first. Let me know if you're interested. Mine can be found here: https://touchwebserial.com/2017/09/03/prologue-david/


I'm up for It, have nothing but free time!


Well then, I'll get reading shortly. :)


I'm already up to chapter six. How do I put this? The grammar and syntax are both absolutely atrocious, and yet, for some reason, I can't stop smiling. This story is just way too fun! I will review more comprehensively when I've read the rest, presumably in about half an hour.


Aaaand done! I'll be posting my review shortly.


:)


And the review is up. Good god. Just... wow. You're not the best writer, but a great storyteller. You need practice, but if you take the time to improve your skills, you will be incredible.


its 7:00 am right now I've been up all night reading you guys stuff and I am very tired, I promise will get to the posting latter tonight.


I have a draft done of breakfast I want to rewrite it before I get it out.

john I read yours I will get the review out tonight.

loved your review Rhythm I'm fourth of the way thought your story now ill finish it tonight and try to get the review up.


Take your time.


@Rhythm, ikr


The story is great.


:)