Review Request: The Greensdale Project

Hey guys. Looking for constructive criticisms (Starting my first web-serial just a test run want to see how it goes) any advice. This is just my first bit so far (Like the first chapter). I want some honest feedback (I mean how am I going to get better) so I can do better next time! Thanks! Here is the link

If you look at that page its write there!


It's an interesting start. I'm guessing you mean informal feedback, rather than posting a review?

* It's an intriguing setup, but I'd put a little more emphasis on character and plot in chapter 1, rather than focus on the premise and backstory.

* I do like the length. Opinions may vary, but I think 1000-2000 words per chapter works best for books you read online, with a sweet spot in the 1200-1500 word zone.

* The sudden shift of point of view is a little awkward. I shift POV a lot in my stories (and I mean a LOT) but I think it's preferable to make the shift between chapters rather than within them -- particularly if you have short chapters.

* When writing first person, (and I've done this myself) there can be a tendency to begin a lot of sentences with 'I'. It seems like a very small thing, but if you mix it up a little it can look a lot better.

I hope that's helpful. I'd be interested in see where you go from here!