Review Request: The Undying Cultivator

Hi guys,


Just finished the first Arc of my ongoing serial "The Undying Cultivator" and would love some reviews on what I have so far.


There are 9 chapters, each at around 3000 words per chapter. Altogether, the first Arc is a little over 30,000 words.




The site listing can be found here: http://webfictionguide.com/listings/the-undying-cultivator/


and the serial itself can be found here: https://theundyingblog.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/a-monster-inside-1-01-prologue/


Would love any kind of feedback/review.


Thank you for your time.


I'll give you a bit of a review here, I don't feel I've read enough of your story to give you a fair "official" one.


I read your first entry - it's far too dense in description for my tastes. You're trying to introduce too many concepts at once and it just makes it so that none of them can actually sink in, all the ideas just blur together and fly straight past the poor reader. We've got characters with Nordic names in Japanese mountains in a fortress that is guarding against beasts and Drok playing a special game with some historical backstory and the characters hate each other and there's Esoteric Sword Techniques (which is Capitalised For Some Reason) and... Do you see what I mean?


The writing itself seems fine underneath all of that. I feel like if you cleaned up all the worldbuilding vomit (sorry) it might even be engaging. Eventually I might even figure out why the Vikings are in Japan, but viking samurai sound cool and maybe that's reason enough.


I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh!


Hey Stable. No, you weren't too harsh. Thanks for taking the time to give it the once over.