Review Request: Touch

Hi, I'm Rhythm, and I'm kinda new here. I was hoping I could get someone to take a look at my web novel and possibly provide me with opinions other than my own. I often find myself ricocheting between the 'my own worst critic' and 'everything I write is solid gold and everyone's stupid for not realizing it!' mindsets. So I was hoping for something with perhaps a touch less bias. Please and thank you. Oh! and if anyone could tell me how one goes about submitting their banner image to the Web Fiction Guide, that'd be awesome too.

Editing the link in here cuz I forgot to put it in.

I might be able to get to it in a week or so, assuming nobody else gets to it first. I welcome someone else getting to it first.

As far as banners are concerned- unless they changed the system and I wasn't aware, you have to send an email (including the banner and the serial's link) to Chris to get that to happen.

That would be excellent, thank you. And thank you for the advice regarding the banners.

I hit you with a review on your page. Cool stuff, thanks for sharing.

Also hit with a review on the page, which I'll update when Touch gets a few chapters deeper.

Were I to offer one single piece of constructive criticism, I think finding a way to trim the transcript portion of the prologue would help lead into the main story more smoothly. You handled the transcript style well, but it's juuuuuuust long enough that it starts to drag before jumping into the more easy-to-follow 3rd person format.

Well done on the story. It's off to a good start.

Ooh, that was a good review.

Thanks to both of you John Calligan and Lonesome Traveler. I read your reviews, and honestly, thanks for the feedback. I think it is genuinely difficult to figure out where your flaws lie as a writer; primarily, I think, because you're trying to examine something that you've written specifically to appeal to your own sensibilities. For example, Lonesome traveler commented on it's slow pace and dramatic focus, which I find to be positives, but they are right in stating that such elements aren't for everyone. And I really think I needed that detail about overusing emotive language pointed out to me. Thank you for that, I'll try and moderate it somewhat. I always had this very strong urge to be understood growing up, and I think that might translate to me being a bit overly descriptive in my writing. Regardless of the reason, the fact remains that it may benefit from making my style a little more flexible. I found the comment regarding it's slow pace amusing, while at the same time being entirely true. I'm ten thousand words in and I've only just reached the "you're a wizard, Harry" moment, so yeah, I see your point. Do you have any recommendations on trimming down my use of emotive language?

Glad to hear it! The goal of honest critique/review is always to be helpful, both to readers and to the writers. You've got a good story going, and I'd only ever want to be encouraging to that.

As for more specific recommendations, I'll use the teenagers in the diner as an example. About halfway through the scene, it becomes pretty clear to the readers what's going on. That, in my opinion, is when the writer can start allowing imagination to fill in more gaps. Instead of walking through each stage of joy/relief with accurate mood descriptions (trepidation, nervousness, relief, giddy), you can start to be vaguer. The teenager's mind taking on a more 'pleasant glow' tells us just as much about what happened, with less outright description.

Essentially, try to get a feel for what the audience needs to be told, versus what can be intuited.

That's my 2 cents! Looking forward to more.

Fair points. I may have over egged the pudding there. I was trying to make it abundantly clear that Casper's powers were overwhelming to him at times. Retrospectively, I was maybe a little too heavy-handed.

If someone could give me Chris' email address/some form of contact info to send my banner to, that'd be awesome too.

Email it to submissions at wfg