Review Request: Ultra-Reality

As a new web-novel author, I would like to gain feedback on my work. Also, I plan on updating my site to make it easier to navigate, so don't worry about that too much right now. :D


Congrats on starting a serial and I hope all goes well! It's not really a review, but I'll see if I can't throw you a little editing feedback to help get things rolling as smoothly as possible.

First, I know you're already working on the site, but I'd make that a priority. A Contents page is a must for web serials.

As for the writing itself, be careful about your perspectives. You're in 3rd person in the prologue and then suddenly switch to 1st in the next chapter, with a few 3rd person moments splashed in as well. Consistency there will help readers keep track of your characters better.

Lastly, line spacings. This is a weird one, because I don't think it's *technically* correct, but it's something that serial writers all seem to have adopted to good effect. In a web format, you don't have to worry about page space, so it can be very helpful to readers to space things out a bit more, particularly with dialogue. Your writing is already well sorted as far as lines and paragraphs go, but I'd suggest doing a quick edit to separate each line to make things cleaner.

That above is a bit of dialogue from your first chapter. I'd space it out so it bounces more cleanly from speaker to speaker, so that each paragraph or dialogue block is separated onto its own line:

That's about all I've got as far as editing tips go. The best final time I can give is to keep writing

Thank you for the feedback! Also, may I ask if it's wise to post chapters on both my website and a place like Royal Road? I already have the prologue and chapter on another site, but it doesn't have any readers so I can take it down easily without much hassle.

Indentation is the old way to mark off paragraphs, while newlines is a comparatively recent invention that's mostly used on the web. Books and other physical media haven't quite caught up yet. I'd bet that web serial writers are people who have a lot of experience on the web, which is why they naturally write with newlines instead of indentation. I also think newlines are cleaner and look nicer than indents, especially on a screen.

I wouldn't go so far as to call either style incorrect, but I would say that if you're going to be distributing digital copies you should probably use newlines.

@TheCoolPebble Glad to help! And I don't see any problem with posting your story to multiple hosts. In fact, you may find a pretty good audience on Royal Road. Alternate reality has been rather popular lately.

p.s. There's a big thread from not too long ago which may have more information you'd find useful:


Thank you for the help!