Serials You'll Never Write

The game is simple: post the title to a serial you're never going to write. It can make fun of storytelling tropes you use a lot (If you were Alexandra Erin, you might write "Fae Who Have a Lot of Sex and Talk About Their Feelings," for instance), storytelling tropes the community uses a lot ("A Web Serial I Wrote After Reading Worm"), or it could be something completely absurd ("Bumblebees Aren't Forever").


THE ONLY REAL RULES ARE TO HAVE FUN AND BE YOURSELF.


*ahem* Anyway, here's mine.


"Lollin' Down the River"


"Vampires vs. Zombies: The Final Battle"


I bet this one has been written...probably more than once.


Heroes vs villains: kinky bedroom showdowns.


I'm not even sure the phrase makes sense. XD


Copyright Infringements: An angst-ridden melodrama including post-opening lyric quotations from every song I've ever loved that has even the remotest link to the story itself.


One man.


One soul.


One unbreakable case of metal.


You are in control of Phil Philster's life. Down to his final dollar, his last meal waits inside a can of Heinz Maple Beans.


And.


Its.


Tab.


Just.


Broke.


Each chapter, Phil takes another step towards insanity. You decide if he reaches the cliff and jumps - or, like, gets a job or something. Or welfare.


Or.


Asks.


His.


Parents.


Will he give in to his primal urges and smash that can apart? Will the glorious food be destroyed? Will he beg? Will he cry? Will everything lose its freaking mind?!!


Experience the horror that is known as...


BEEEEEEEEEEEANZ.


(Updates daily; graphic violence; graphic sexual context)


Somewhat serious answer: while I can't say I'll never< do it, a sequel to my current work might be a bit of a wait. I'd want to do something tonally different first. No violence. No saving the world. Also, I'd have the setting be as real-world as possible. Of course, I can't say it would be that long a wait either.


"Bitter Enemies" They totally hate each other. Right?


@Fiona: There is a Vampire vs. Zombies movie. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampires_vs._Zombies


"Winter Rain"


@Chris - D:


@Emma Well, that's another reason I'll never write that serial. It would be considered a fanfic and Chris wouldn't list it. Too bad for the world ;-)


Inspired by this thread...


Plants vs Zombies: the fanfic.


Time Travel Wrestlers


Part 1: Gandhi for the Gold


(Damn, that probably seems too close to Celebrity Death Match, come to think of it.)


Another thread we might do is "Mashups You'd Like to See" where you combine a couple of stories because you think they might work well together. Like "Fifty Shades of Dorian Gray"


In the grim darkness of 20,030 D.C.E, the Neo Nocht Federation invades the space of the communist Neo Socialist Dominances of Solstice, firing nuclear missiles from its fleet at an Ayvartan fleet from a distance of thousands upon thousands of kilometers and signaling the start of a long, discursive hard sci-fi war. A thoroughly researched epic, depicted down to its most minute scientific details, containing the most plausible technology of alternate history 20,030, and in which every single character is totally heterosexual.


You be the judge of what parts of that are more or less likely to occur.


'The Red Pen War'


Two editors driven to the brink are finally pushed over the edge by one obviously misplaced apostrophe. They start a war against the rising illiteracy around them, taking red pens to publications, shop signs, and reckless advertisements. As stray commas and careless punctuation become casualties in this war, will anyone care? Will anyone notice beautifully correct spelling? How long before faulty translations come under fire?


And what will happen when the two editors realise that one of them is correcting words into British English, and the other is turning everything to American English?


@Psycho - I've actually played around with the idea of doing a "random person gets pulled into another world and they need help" trope, only with a team of pro-wrestlers. One day I shall make it work. Got the name though: Finishing Move


For the serials:


Tale of Svelte Thruster: Dude who totally good at everything, even stuff he's never tried, and who everyone digs even if they don't at first, and is totally not gratuitous self-projection wish fulfillment so no one even bring it up because bam already refuted right there in the into!


I'm just letting you know, Chrysalis, that I'm planning on suing you for infringing on my upcoming work "Heroes vs Villains: Kinky Bedroom Showdowns"


But as far as serials I'll *never* write, there's one idea I had kicking around but don't think I could get the rights from all the right people (you know how prickly all those stuck-up copyright holders can be), and that would have to be


"Kinda Super Solstice War: The Super-Powered Grave Sin Eaters of Nowhere Island in Retrospect and their Starwalking Other Kind of Winter Rainy Anathema (Book 1 of the Gregorfionan Chronicles)"


"The Neverending Hiatus" A masterpiece of suspense.


Fiona, that work will make me shiver in antici-


The story of a fifteen-and-a-half year old girl, thrust onto a starship and out of her element. Watch as everything goes horrifically wrong, see her very presence somehow make any situation incalculably worse, and cringe as her every action is met with failure beyond what reality should ever allow. A Trekkie's Tale 2: The Misadventures of Sue Marie


_Wheel of Serial_: The epic SFF series so long it cannot be finished in a human lifetime, every word of it unalterable because it's already been read by a bunch of people who would get screwed by edits that are desperately necessary to keep things tight and coherent.