Site and/or Story Review Request: Blunder League

Hey guys. I'm new here and new to web serials. I'm not new to writing, but I am young and barely into college, so I guess that makes me inexperienced my most standards anyway.

My friends and I have known each other since we were very young and once, when playing around, created a bizarre superhero team with useless powers (somebody who can move really slowly, somebody who whispers the opposite of what they mean to say, etc.) The team, called the Blunder League, has been a running joke among us for forever. We've been meaning to make it into a story in some form or another, but never did.

I realized how much I loved writing in a web serial format (my experience previously has been a few spare novels and a lot of short stories, none published), so the Blunder League is finally being put to the page, twice weekly online.

I was hoping that I could get some feedback on my website, and maybe whatever is posted so far of the story if you feel so compelled. I a decent backlog, so there will definitely be more posted as the weeks wear on.

So, yeah. My motivation for writing this is for myself and my friends, so I don't expect to be too discouraged when it takes forever to pick up in readers. Just wanted your thoughts and maybe any advice you have for a beginner like me (I've read through some of the forum, but I'll never turn down more good advice from clever people like you).

The Blunder League series

Thank you!

- Jon

Ah, yes, the joy of creating the dumbest superpowers possible. I've got a few of my own, including "constantly connected to the internet- the entire internet" (it's a little bit of a blessing and a whole lot of a curse) and "can summon rolls of toilet paper". Nobody's quite sure if it's being created from nothing, or it's teleported in and every time it's activated, someone is in for an unfortunate surprise in the near future.

Anyway, I'll give it a read shortly, but my first bit of 'cursory glance' advice... scenes which only last two or three paragraphs, and having five of them in a single chapter? Incredibly jarring, makes it very hard to settle in and lock on. I get that it's a prologue and you don't do it on the first actual chapter, but as a rule you want to put your best foot forward, so you may want to consider either changing the prologue to expand all of these scenes into something more substantial... or simply don't have the prologue to begin with...

And there's not much to say about layout. It's clean, if empty. I would advise a table of contents for ease of reference (not really important now, but as you increase the number of chapters) and perhaps an intro blurb that is the first thing people see when they go to your site. That's what I like to use, and most people seen to like the layout.

Thanks for giving it a look, TanaNari. :)

Yeah, I see what you mean about the prologue. Beginnings are tough no matter what you're writing. I'm trying not to go into perfectionist mode doing this - I'd much rather just have fun and write, improving a bit here and there as I learn more about the format - but it's definitely a thing. I'm hesitant to change it much with it already being up and posted, since I feel like that's going to end up being a gateway into editing things after posting in the future, and that removes some stability. I might see if any scenes can be more smoothly transitioned though.

I am definitely with you on the blurb. I tried to add one recently but my site editor bugged out, so I had to put it away for the moment. I'll try again soon.

I know that the quality of my work won't be quite up to par with a lot of what's out there, especially since this is a new field for me as a writer. I'm trying not to take myself too seriously, since I'll beat myself up over it if I try to get everything right before I have the skill to do so.

Thanks again for looking into it. I look forward to hearing what you think after a deeper read.

Just my 2 cents - there's nothing wrong with editing after posting. I lost track of how many times I edited my first 30 or so chapters, and the end result was much better and 'hookier'. Don't be afraid of editing!

Thanks for the reassurance, Chrysalis.

I guess it just depends on the type of editing for me. If I'm just fixing mistakes or cleaning up formatting then hey, nothing wrong with that. Nobody who's already read it will be missing out. But if they're major edits that I feel significantly change the focus or feel of the chapter, that's where I'm more hesitant.

I'll just have to decide where the line of 'too much editing' is for me as I become more experienced. I ended up editing the first couple of chapters anyway, so thanks for the suggestions and encouragement, guys. I definitely am happier with them after fixing a few things. :)

"Summon rolls of toilet paper" may be a stupid superpower, but it's very practical. I'd take it.


Say, is the link I gave working for you guys? It stopped working for me - I think I may have put it in wrong, but I'm not sure.

Heh, summon rolls of toilet paper. theres a piece of flash fiction going around yesterday that that would have been very useful for.