So good to be writing again!

I'm really excited about my new blog and felt like sharing that with everyone! I authored and managed a travel blog for two years and I was ready for a change. My new blog is a fictional account and even though I've only gotten two posts up, I'm excited about where the story is going already!

If you have a chance, please check it out and let me know what you think...

I really welcome feedback from other writers - it's a great way to learn!

Cool, new series! *click*


First off; you've got a good grasp of writing, and that's immediately apparent. You have great characterization, and good dialogue to back it up. There are places where your voice as a writer is strong, and I really enjoyed a lot of what I read.

I'm very confused about the voice, though, and that's not great for a starter. The series lacked a hook in the first episode, and I started out thinking that it was taking a journal approach - the way that you approached the start of the main character's day was very narrative in that matter, giving us a look at what matters to the character more than what matters to the story. Signing the end of the posts "Until then, Karen" really contributes to this mixed voice, and it's not something I'm personally into.

Once I got to the second episode, things started picking up a lot more - in fact, I'd even say, I was genuinely interested! But it seems like most of the first episode didn't need to be mentioned at all, and I can't help but think that there was a better way to edit things to move things along more quickly. Probably skipping straight into the part where the main character arrives at work would be a good start, because that would set your hook better and avoid losing your reader's interest by starting off before anything's really relevant. That would allow you to bypass some bits of needless exposition as well (i.e., you don't want to TELL the reader that Karen works at and owns the Dusty Rose; make it apparent in what happens in the scene), which is something I saw a couple times in your writing that could be improved on.

All in all, though, I think that you've got a good start, and a solid foundation for your readers to work off of. :) Looking forward to reading more!

Scribbler -

Wow, thank you so much! That was amazing feedback - so detailed. I really appreciate you taking the time to really read the content and provide so many constructive comments. I'm really taking to heart the things you said and suggested and hope I can use that information to continue the blog in a slightly more clear and comprehensive style.

To be honest, the premise of the blog does lean towards journaling and while I know it truly isn't everyone's cup of tea, I hope that I can come up with enough interesting content to attract a few readers ;)

Have a great day!



Glad to help, however I could. Best of luck with your series!