Story Thread: Fantasy Disabilities

So I had an idea yesterday, namely to start a story thread akin to those on other writer forums, where writers submit stories that relates to a theme of some kind. Thought it'll be really interesting, esepcially with all the excellent writers frequenting these forums.

So here it is.


Story Thread: Fantasy Disabilities

Theme: Fantasy Disabilities

Challenge:

Write a story that prominently features a character with some kind of disability, mental, physical or magical. May not exceed 1000 words. Links to Google Docs, Pastebin or other websites are accepted


Rules:

1. You are allowed to criticize the stories, but not break them down. Excessive rudeness or meanness is not welcome

2. No criticizing of any story on this thread until you have submitted a story yourself. Starting a new thread to criticize a story is allowed.


I like this idea. Would be interested in trying out more of these things.


Though I'll admit, I'm used to writing short-shorts, but this was still a struggle to get below 1000 words.


http://sharkerbob.blogspot.com/2016/07/a-little-trip.html


hmm, i like this. Should we look at doing an anthology out of it? 10 40 50, editor/writers/TWF?


Maybe. If enough people are interested.


It took a day to come up with a good concept, then another day to write and go back over it, but now I have something:

http://mathiex.blogspot.ca/2016/07/246-suppression.html


I usually pretty bad at keeping to shorter stories, but I kept this one from spinning off into side plots. There's extra analysis at the end of the post. Thanks for the idea, Rincewind!


@SharkerBob: Nice one! Set the scene well, and that's a problem I hadn't even considered.


@mathtans - Thanks, and back at you! Don't want to spoil it for others, but a very interesting use of that particular theme. :)


Haha - the rules said 'criticize', not 'compliment'. LAWYERED.


@Mathtans - Aw, mathans! That was really lovely. It was also really polished for such a short timeline, so just overall, nice work. I got teeny bit choked up at the end; darn you - I don't like feeling feels, but nice work on that front, too. It was touching.


@mathtans Quite nice story, with nice prose. Really well written.


@Tatra Do you think I should retroactively change the 'criticize' clause in the rules? It doesn't really add much of value


@GR - I know I'm sort of a poser around here, but while I don't want to upend your rules, I personally wouldn't mind comments/critiques from whoever.


Then its changed. Anyone can criticise. They do not have to post a story. They must be civil in their review.


Well, I'll expand a bit on my cryptic remarks above - spoilers for Sharkerbob's story. (By the way, what do you mean "poser"? There's no entry requirements here.)


Particularly good things: Solid opening, made me wonder what was going on, which was then addressed in terms of the bridge and the gorge. I could envision it. Interesting use of the disability, with the robotic arms. So nice use of the theme. Good description all through, particularly in terms of movement.


Possible improvements: At first read, I thought the static meant his comlink was busted too, not that he was out of range. There wasn't really an element of immediacy for me - sure it would ultimately be dark, but would no one be looking for him? There were no wild animals or anything. The ending also came a bit out of nowhere - he seemed to be consistently below where he needed to be, then time skip. I'm pretty sure the issue you had in all cases was running up against the word limit. A possible adjustment there would be make sure everything advances the story as much as possible, omitting details we don't need (his sizing up the gorge and the fifty feet bit feels unnecessary; or how it took a half minute to secure his pack). Even the removing his boots thing could be dropped as it didn't lead anywhere - alternatively, make it the very thing he needed, to avoid the time skip (or to move it earlier).


@GeneralRincewind: Thank you! That's actually terribly reassuring this week, seeing as none of the 30+ people who investigated Part 1 of my recent serial have given Part 2 a try.


@Tartra: Ditto, with the added remark that I don't think anyone's ever told me my writing has had the feels effect on them that way... so, yeah, wow. Thanks.


@mathtans: Thank you for the critique, those are some decent points. The word count was a struggle, but I did leave out some story detail I probably could have slipped in with a bit tighter description elsewhere. Something to keep in mind for future ones of these.


As for your story, I'm not much of a critic, so nothing jumps out at me as needing improvement. It feels pretty polished, and I am impressed you were able to put so much drama and character depth in such a short piece, even set up rules for a world and make an interesting twist at the end based off it. Kudos.


(I fall back on self-deprecating humor sometimes. I guess by "poser", it seems everyone else here has a dedicated web serial or other big project going on, and I've just got a dinky little blog of old, dated stuff at the moment. I joined with the intention to get motivated on my own bigger project, but it hasn't worked out yet. I do write elsewhere, but it's not something I can share here, and it's pretty sporadic. I suppose I'm still figuring my creative direction out somewhat.)