BillyHiggins, thank you very much for your review. I must confess, I was relieved to get your feedback; you are literally the first person to tell me anything about my story. (I even gave it to my brothers and a few friends to read, which they assured me they would. They most assuredly didn't.)
Thus, I am really appreciative of you taking the time to write a long, thorough review. Truly, truly.
Your comments about my punctuation errors are duly noted (especially about the semi-colon). It's a problem that kind of oozes out of my writing since my high school days. I need to really learn proper usage.
As for the plain plot lines... its true, for now. (later I promise it will get more fantasy-esque). I really do feel as if I am lacking an interesting hook; I'm trying to figure how to get people to read past the 2nd chapter.
I was trying to find a way to integrate some of the sci-fantasy aspects of my world earlier, but until I figure out a brilliant solution, it will have to wait.
A toast to BillyHiggins and his critical literary mind!
*PS - your review knocked me up about 12 views in a few hours. Thank you!