Thanks for the review and also for the comment on the site! (Thanks for clearing up the hyperspeed issue - I've definitely always gone for Star Wars over Star Trek and I should really have known better!)
I really enjoyed your review and thought it was one of the most useful and interesting comments on my work that I've probably ever read. It was also pretty insightful (depending on how many chapters you've actually read). I'm glad that you 'got' what was going on regarding plot, theme and characters (a paranoia of the 'amateur' writer!)
Your review highlights some of the points that I've been worrying about and it confirms that I was right to worry about them. Namely, the length of time I've taken to show any kind of positive side to Scott and also the flashbacks / forwards.
I suppose they both come down to the main issue of how to write regularly updating web fiction. If I was doing my normal thing and writing a book, I could go back, re-read, re-write and all that fun stuff. But being only a couple of chapters ahead of what people are reading (at best!) puts the kibosh on that, so you have to try and get it right quicker. (Or write more of it in advance - but do I really sound that organised..?) Also the issue of pacing is very difficult to pin down (hence the Scott characterisation problems which you point out so accurately).
Glad you liked my style / technique. Better you like that and don't like my presentation choices than the other way around! Oh, and if the time-shift of the narrative irked you, then you *really* won't enjoy the current storyline running through May..! It takes place over three timeframes - although I had already decided to try and limit the amount of switching per chapter (as per my earlier forum post).
I think I'll just have to keep learning as I go and hope that any further reviews I get will be as helpful as yours!
Cheers! (btw, I've really been enjoying 'Diggory Franklin' and hope to do a review sometime soon!)