Very first First Fifteen Review posted for Fooled!

Hey all, as some of you recall I was going to start a review series called the First Fifteen, based on the first fifteen installments/chapters of any web serials/indie novels.

FOOLED was the first one up and it's done!

The review on WFG:

The review on the First Fifteen page:

The First Fifteen main page:

I want to thank Nina for the opportunity and for being the first to step up to the plate. FOOLED was great to read. Thanks so much!

Godpunk is next. Just finished the first chapter and really liked it.

Got at least 14 on the backlog and looking forward to getting more.

Thanks, guys. Happy writing!

Very good review. I only skimmed it as the story really isn't my type, but it was nicely detailed, and unlike a lot of reviews, let the reader know who the story was for right away. Nicely done, as soon as I reach fifteen chapters, I'm definitely going to request a reveiw.

Thanks, DJ--I appreciate the comments. I'm glad the content and structure of the review hit home.

Agreed, that was a nice review structure. Very clear.

I was just getting ready to post my "Thank You" thread for this review, Zephy! I really appreciate it, I think it is one of the most helpful reviews I've gotten so far. As a writer it helps me to understand my weaknesses and I think that as a reader the structure would be really helpful for trying to decide whether I wanted to read a particular serial.

I wanted to point out two clarifications: first off, you mentioned that none of the characters were introduced in chapter one, whereas technically both Lucia and Leo make their debut there. Also re: the scene with Fabian that he found her a dress quickly, in that specific scene he wasn't trying to find a dress, he had actually just brought one from his workshop and was coming to show it to Lucia (it was a new dress) - I had been going for a way of introducing Fabian and Lucia's relationship, possibly unsuccessfully. XD I hope you don't think that's too nitpicky, but I thought it might be something to edit so the review is more accurate?

Anyway, my main takeaway from the review is that apparently the modern style of writing is really supposed to have very little description so I guess that will be an area for me to continue growing in, hehe.

It was a very good review, Zephy. Let me know that I might want to pick up Fooled once I get a little more time. Going to add it to my ever growing to-read list.

@Nina: Sure, I can change it; thanks for pointing those out. You did mention them both in Chapter One, but it reads so differently from the rest of the chapters it must have just logged out of my brain and I really did feel Chapter Two was the beginning. As with Fabian, still think there could be something more challenging there. The more your characters suffer, the better!

EDIT: And changed :)

Thanks Zephy! And also it's nice to see that Fooled is in your favorites. :)